6 days post surgery

...and I'm slowly getting there. But very frustrated that I can't do more yet. But I'm OK.

I feel more bruised everyday, and I look more bruised everyday, but I don't need as many painkillers and my Tramadol has run out so its probably a good job!

Here is my patch work tummy (haha, excuse the boob shot!);

Look how round my tummy is! This was taken about 4 days ago, and I'm almost as 'flat' as normal now, but until today my tummy has been really big and swollen. I probably gained a good 4-6inchs following surgery. During surgery they pump your stomach full of CO2 so the surgeon can see what he's doing, then they try to take as much out as possible before stitching you up, but obviously can't get it all, so it takes around 7 days for the extra gas to 'escape' the body normally!! 

I have a large incision in my belly button, where they actually pulled out the gallbladder and inserted the large camera, this is the sorest wound and the one with the biggest bruise. Until you have a painful belly button, you don't realise how many of your clothes sit across it, rub on it, how you bend etc...hundreds of times a day. Its hurts!! I'm living in leggings and jeggings as anything harder would be impossible. The one immediately above my belly button is about an inch long and right on my bra line, very annoying again! I have one bra which has a 'loose' fastening which I can wear, but my favourite perky boob bras are a no go. 

The two on my right side are healing well, but annoying. Another small 1 inch incision which has an external stitch which is SO ITCHY, and the large bandage is covering my 'open wound' where they inserted my drainage tube. This was horrible to look at as it wasn't closed or anything, so the first night of changing that bandage we actually just looked as a wide half inch hole going straight into my abdomen. It's scabbing over well so doing ok. 

I can sit more comfortably now, but can't yet sleep laying on my side which is getting annoying. Gravity pulls at my belly button wound in an unnatural way and i feel 'twisted' inside. 

I cant bend down to pick things up, and use my stomach muscles for much at all, but feel OK, so I'm just getting annoyed sitting around the house. I have another 9 days at home before I go back to work, so hopefully by then I'll feel back to 100%. 

I'm eating normally too, well staying away from very fatty foods but have eaten normal meals and my digestive system seems absolutely fine! Fingers crossed! I've been told after gallbladder surgery it's hit and miss about what foods you can and cannot digest. Some people find they can go straight back to normal, some find they can't tolerate some foods anymore...so lets see how that goes. 

Back on to the 'infertility' aspect of things, AF is now 4 days late, but after all the drugs, antibiotics, surgery etc...I would imagine that is more to blame for her late arrival than anything else! We have an appointment with the Fertility Clinic on November 11th to discuss IVF, which we though we would be cancelling, but we can actually attend now!! Now we have the difficult decision of IVF and how to move forward....difficult because I have landed myself a brand new job, which I start on November 18th. 

This is a permanent job, better money, closer to home and a lot less money on travel being one of the managers of the student support departments at Leeds University Medical School with lots more opportunities to move 'up'.. I'm so excited to start this job. Given the state of the UK at the minute finding a permanent job is almost impossible but I now have one, which means I actually get, and are fully paid, for any maternity leave I need to take in the future. This is something we never thought we would have so we are actually in a good financial position to have a baby. Gosh, I never thought I would say that. 

The clinic want me to be fully healed before they will even contemplate IVF as no painkillers or antibiotics can be taken during a cycle, so we wouldn't be able to start in November, and possibly even December. Personally, even if we had the option I couldn't do IVF in December. I struggle at Christmas at the best of times, I could not handle an IVF failure with Christmas and New Year coming up, so for us, December is out. By January I will be 3 months post surgery and should be physically able to start IVF, but I will only be 2 months into my new role. I never thought I would say this, ever, but I don't know if I want to postpone for another month to get settled and feel more comfortable before asking for days off. I know I know, people will curse me for this, people will judge us dreadfully for this, what can I say. We've been waiting for so so long for this, we've gone through treatments knowing that we would financially struggle if they worked due to my job, now we have the option of choosing to wait an extra month of so before going back into IVF for the security of a job and money coming into the household if we ever do become parents. It's a tough thing to decide. 

I am personally learning towards February IVF start. My cycle at the minute will be the end of the month, I will be in my new role for 3 months, everything will be settled after Christmas, we'll be a little better off financially with my new wage and I'll feel more comfortable approaching my new manager and explaining the situation and asking for a few hours off for a few days out of the month. The university I will be working for have a special fertility treatment policy in place, and I know they can't judge me based on my IVF or anything else, I would just feel more comfortable. 

But at the same time I'm dying to get back to everything....I just don't know. I might break down one day and confess all to my manager, who knows. Maybe the clinic won't even let me do any treatment for 3 months after surgery?!

But the main thing is my gallbladder is out (I have gallstones on the fireplace as proof!), I'm going to learn and take up knitting while I'm home, I'm starting a new job, and we can actually begin to start thinking about IVF again. 

Things are looking up :)