Happier...I think

Hello,

No, not for THAT reason, I just feel happier with the whole 'not being able to have children' situation. Well no, maybe happy is the completely wrong word to use, in fact it is definitely the completely wrong word to use, maybe more accepting, more patient?? I don't know, but round number three of clomid has officially failed as of this morning, so as the saying goes "the drugs don't work...." and I'm going to add to that and make it "the drugs, timed intercorse, ovulation tests, vitamins and minerals, folic acid, sperm friendly lubricant, soft cups, acupuncture, health diet, fertility supplements and my uterus don't work...." catchy huh?

So last 'blog' I was all positive about our referral to the new fertility specialist, well that was to be short lived. I have quickly found out that where GPs are concerned, if it seems to easy or too good to be true, it definitely is. No offence to any GPs who stumble across this but, why are you so incompetent? Actually, no I apologise, I take that back entirely, if you are a receptionist at a GPs surgery, first, where did you get your medical degree? Secondly, you're a receptionist, your job is to make appointments, pass on queries, and help patients, so why is it that you can do non of the above? Again, I know I'm making a sweeping statement here, but the receptionists at my doctors surgery might as well be monkeys, they would do a better job. Here is why I am so bitter and angry towards them...

As I have already stated we moved house slap bang in the middle of our fertility testing/treatment (not a great idea for anyone thinking about it) and as the invention of the internet and other computer related technologies hasn't reached the medical profession, it takes 8 weeks for medical records to be sent from our old doctor to our new one, so no referral could be make before them. So we waited patiently for 8 weeks in limbo, them 9 weeks after we joined the surgery, I called them (as I was told to) and just said "I'm a new patient, my medical records have arrived, I need a referral to a fertility specialist" and was told "yes Mrs Briggs, no problem, I will pass this on to your doctor, if you don't hear back from us assume everything has gone through". I don't hear back from them. I don't hear anything for 4 weeks. So I ring them up to see whats going on.

'Oh...we have no record that you ever called to request a referral" Great. Thanks, so the receptionist that took all my details, what clinic I wanted to be referred to, phone number and address just what, wrote it down, smirked, screwed it up and threw it in the bin? Thanks. As if we aren't going through enough trying to start a family, we have to face utter idiots like this. So I get put through to the doctors secretary who promises she will speak with the doctor and ring me back the following week. The following week passes and I hear nothing from the secretary, I call the doctors, guess what, nobody has any idea what I'm talking about, again. So it's not been almost 6 weeks since I originally phoned for the referral and I'm still no closer to seeing an actual specialist doctor. The waiting time for an appointment is 18 weeks, we could have been twelve weeks away from an appointment if the receptionist could just do her job!!!

Fast forward to Friday 3rd August, a whole month an a half after I originally called and I receive a voice mail saying "Mrs Briggs, I have spoken to the doctor and she has sent the letter off today" so I get to do the whole 4 week wait thing to see if I hear anything, or if that letter magically disappears as well. Imbeciles.

What about if I needed a referral for something that was more urgent? Extreme case a suspicious lump, or cough or headaches? Would it be acceptable them to sit and wait for 7 weeks before the GP surgery remember you exist and send the paper work off? I don't think so. But because its infertility, the disease that breaks you slowly and nobody really cares about, because "we can just adopt" it doesn't matter.

Urgh, I said I was feeling more positive and after that outburst I want to cry again. Sorry for the information but AF arrived this morning, which means the drugs officially don't work. Statistics show if they haven't worked for 3 months, they're not going to work. Which leaves us with absolutely no hope of conceiving a child in our own home. From here on in our first child will officially be made in a hospital bed, with Mum and Dad not even in the same room. Fan bloody tactic. Its also that little bit harder as August 2012 is our great big 2 year anniversary since we stopped using any form of contraception. Thats right, two years unprotected sex and no baby. Stick that in your pipe and smoke is Sex Education!!

But anyway, I am dealing with it better, because over the past few months I have made some fantastic friends on Facebook, who are also infertile. They go through the same as us every month, when I cry, I know I can send a message to them and I'll soon be smiling, and I am there for them when they have another failed month and we cheer each other on. Its strange, and many people don't understand how you can be so close to people you have never met, but apart from Martin there is no-one in real life I can talk to about this. It's not their fault, they just don't know what to say. My friends usually try and make jokes about it which is absolutely fine by me, but sometimes I need someone there to talk about it seriously to, to cry and sod hysterically when another month rolls around with no baby for us, when you're putting everything you've got and more into it. But these ladies are fantastic, every single one of them, and they have made me see the LTTTC thing in a much better light, and I can cope with it more, because I'm not consumed by overwhelming sadness and despair thinking life is so unfair, because yes, people around us seem to get pregnant looking at a man, but there are people that understand what we're going through, there are people there day and night to talk to, and we're not alone in this journey. So if any of my ladies read this, I love you and thank you for changing my perspective on this very shitty situation.

Steph xxx