You all spoke about it, you've all been here but today I found myself in THAT place. Not welcome at the infertile table anymore, but dont want to pull up a chair on the fertile table. Is there one inbetween??
Colleague at work has just had a second failed IVF cycle, I wanted to comfort her but felt like some sort of fraud. I ended up sending her an email saying that although I'm transitioning to motherhood I haven't forgotten the pain of IF and if she wants to talk I'm here, but I understand if she doesn't. Equally, when she left and all the fertile people were discussing how hard it must be and how they "can't imagine what she was going through" I felt like I should be there either.
It's a perculiar situation I never in a million years thought I would be in. Another thing I've realised is that I hate infertility, I hate what it has done to me, my husband, my friends and every other woman who's struggled with it . But I don't ever want that pain to go away. It's part of me and my life and who I am.
I couldn't find an in-between, if there is one. I agree wholeheartedly with your last paragraph.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely no in between. You find yourself still sneering and rolling your eyes at the other pregnant ones, and the mothers who want to talk your ear off about their little ones. Then you look at the other infertiles, down at your belly, and feel like you would be offending them. You were there before, and kinda still are.
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