There. I said it (typed it...) out loud. My inner infertile is giving me death stares and telling me I sold out and that I swore I would never say this, but I have to. I. am. Struggling.
I love my baby, I smile every single time I feel him roll and everytime I feel him kick. It's like its just me and him, nobody else gets to feel these things or knows him like I do, for the next 10 weeks we get to remain in our exclusive club until he's welcomed into the world and I have to share him with his Daddy. I love planning his arrival, shopping for his things and thinking about how life will change when he gets here. I love him, I love being able to be a family and after 4 years having everything I dreamed of come true.
But it's hard.
I hate working 40+ hours a week with mild SPD and near constant heartburn. I leave my house at 7am everyday and don't walk back through the door until 7.30pm, at which point I am simply exhausted. Getting through a working day now is difficult. My hips hurt everytime I have to walk to the printer, I can't sit for anymore than 45minutes without my lower back beginning to ache. My workload is increasing every week. I am single handedly organising a two day national conference which takes place in 10 days time on top of my usual day to day work. I sleep for roughly 4hours a night and now the simple pleasure of chocolate or dessert after dinner has been taken away by the joy of GD. I think my plan of working until 39 weeks may have been a bit adventurous.
Last night I arrived home and oiled up my growing belly as I do every night and whilst admiring how utterly weird belly buttons look during pregnancy I noticed the angry red stretch marks that have now formed in my bikini area. I admit I crumpled and spent the next 10-15minutes in tears.
I love this little life I have growing inside me and everything that comes with it but it's hard
Last night I arrived home and oiled up my growing belly as I do every night and whilst admiring how utterly weird belly buttons look during pregnancy I noticed the angry red stretch marks that have now formed in my bikini area. I admit I crumpled and spent the next 10-15minutes in tears.
I love this little life I have growing inside me and everything that comes with it but it's hard
I have been in the same conflict. Eventually I said f*ck it, I worked SO hard for this pregnancy that I get to complain if I want to. Just because we complain that we're in pain, doesn't mean that we don't love that little one.
ReplyDeleteThird trimester is tough. Hang in there!
FYI. Do you plan on breastfeeding? Not for any particular reason ... just wondering so I don't get you boobie cream and you don't need it. :P
Hun, I think what your going through is completely normal. I've not been lucky enough to be in the third trimester but I can imagine it's hard. Your body is being put under huge physical stress, not to mention the hormones flooding your body. Working full time on top of that just adds to the situation.
ReplyDeleteI've seen enough of what my lovely ladies have been through to know this is normal. Don't feel bad for feeling like this, your not saying your so happy to be having your miracle boy, you're just physically dealing with a lot. I think your being too hard on yourself sweetie. Xxx
Try some yoga after dinner and see if that brings down your sugars and helps the back. Then you might be able to indulge a little more often. :)
ReplyDelete