Birthday cake idea...

What else can you do when you're home alone 1dp5dt with nothing but the internet to keep you company?!

1dp5dt

Nothing to report. I just never thought I'd get to write that blog title!

Feeling a little 'tender' in the baby box region, although that's to be expected when it's been poked with a long plastic tube. I've woken up this morning and can't stop sneezing. I woke up at 6am perfectly healthy, by 7am I was a snotty mess with swollen eyes and unable to breath without wheezing. I'm putting it down to allergies of some sort, but with every sneeze I feel terrible for rattling our embryo about...I imagine them bouncing around the walls of the uterus.

I am suffering from FET bi-polar. Ridiculous positivity one minute with soul crushing negativity coming along 30 seconds later. They don't warn you about how much of an anti-climax ET is. Once embryo was transferred that was that. Hopped of the bed, escorted to our room and told to come back for blood test in 9 days. No balloons, nobody crying and congratulating you in the corridors, no fanfare playing in the waiting room and confetti bursting out of cannons. Just put your knickers back on and off you go.

I feel like I should be doing more. But I don't know what. Completely and utterly powerless to change the outcome of this, whether I like it or not.

I've been ordered to rest by Martin, who think if I pick up the Hoover I'll damage the little embryo nestled inside. It struck me last night, rather depressingly, that if our embryo wasn't going to make it past blastocyst, it would already be dead, so to speak. But then I have to remind myself that at 1dp5dt he/she should be hatching and getting comfortable in their surroundings. (That's the FET bi-polar!)

Just had to email my manager and tell him that on my very first day back after 14 days off work, I'll be at the hospital in the morning so will be late. It's a good job they're understanding...not sure how understanding they'll be if another 2+ cycles are required though.

Today will be the worst day...it's the only day until testing when I'm on my own with nothing to keep me occupied. I've resigned myself to the fact that googling will do nothing to ease my worries. It seems there is absolutely NO correlation between embryo grade, age, uterine environment, transfer technique etc... And positive outcome. Woman have had perfect everything and have had negative cycles, plenty of woman have had 'OK' embryos and had success, plenty of woman have had pretty shitty embryos and had success...so it is very much a game of luck. Little one is either going to stick around, or they aren't. The decision has really already been made, and there is very little we can do to change it.

Tomorrow I will be going to the spa with my oldest friend to celebrate our collective birthdays (hers 20th April, mine 28th) although it turns out due to the little one on board, there's actually very little I can do at a spa! No swimming, no saunas, no hot stone massages etc... So looks like it will be more of a girly evening in a fancy hotel with some good food and non alcoholic drink! I return Friday afternoon and then need to pack and prepare for Poland. We'll be leaving for the airport around 2.30am Saturday morning, then fly off to our European home for the next 4 days. Every medical professional that I've spoken to has said I'm absolutely OK to fly in TWW, but I'll still worry! After 4 days of sight seeing around Krakow and celebrating turning 26 while PUPO, we'll return on the morning of the 29th April before preparing to return to work the next day. We've already agreed we'll test when we get home on the 29th, which will be 7dp5dt. Possibly still a little early but with returning to work the next day, is rather prepare myself either way as I'll be getting the 'official' result while I'm at the office anyway.

PUPO

For the last 86 minutes we have been PUPO. Transfer went SO much better than expected. No clamps needed, just a bit of pushing and a swap for a longer speculum and she was in. Then we got to watch them out little Pingu in, nice a bright on the screen. Very strange. We still don't know much more about quality etc...just that he/she is not quite blast yet, but would be if they had another few hours to grow. Hopefully they'll continue doing so now they're nestled in downstairs. So far no spotting, slight cramping but nothing to write home about. Now to relax at home and wait. OTD May 1st!

Our little early blast

Little bugger

Just had our call from the embryologist. Out of our three remaining embies, this morning one had the structure it should have before becoming a blastocyst. It's still growing, but it's not quite blast just yet, maybe due to cell loss in the thaw?? At 11.50 I'm going to have my knees hoisted up to my shoulders, they're going to spend a good 20mins faffing around with my cervix (on the phone embryologist said it was a quick procedure...ha!) and then they're going to pop the little bugger in. There MUST be some reason they're going with early blast over thawing one of our three frozen blasts. I'm not feeling too positive but we're going to go with the flow and see what happens. For the next two weeks he/she will be referred to as Pingu (UK 90s cartoon about a penguin...frozen.ice?) and I'll add a pic of little Pingu when I get back later so we can all send positive thoughts their way

Fingers tightly crossed

Our embies were thawed yesterday. We lost one, and the remaining three all suffered "...up to 50% cell loss". We don't know if they lost 1 cell, 2 cells etc... As the embryologist was very vague. They're growing them on to tomorrow to see if any of the three will make it to blast. If not, we have three blasts waiting to be thawed. I know blasts thaw better than day 3 embies, but I was concentrating so much on them just surviving thaw, I never even thought about cell loss!! Anything more than 50% loss and the embies aren't viable, so we know we do have that on our side. Let's just hope they're dividing away in the lab and ready for us tomorrow. Our lab doesn't grade embryos as they don't think it gives a good indication of success as many top grade fail and many lower grade make perfectly healthy babies, so why add to the stress. We just know they're not perfect, but they're OK. I've already written off this cycle in my head and thinking towards fresh IVF in a few weeks when AF starts. But until then, as of 11.50am tomorrow I will be PUPO if any embies survive.

It's happening!

I have to trigger ovulation tonight as the clinic are getting inpatient. Embies being thawed on Sunday, we'll be reunited with one of them on Tuesday 22nd April. :D

Well, what do you know!

Very nervous when arriving at the clinic this morning, dreading what we would be told. Turns out my pesky follie has grown only 2mm in two days, not unusual the nurse said, although agrees it's odd for me. But this time it works in our favour, no ovulation tomorrow means day 5 won't be Sunday and we won't have to cancel!! Actual good news! But jeez Louise is this going to be a long cycle, looks like ovulation won't be until around CD23-24, instead of 17-18. We'll just get to sneak the little bugger in before we jet off to Poland for my birthday.