1dp5dt

Nothing to report. I just never thought I'd get to write that blog title!

Feeling a little 'tender' in the baby box region, although that's to be expected when it's been poked with a long plastic tube. I've woken up this morning and can't stop sneezing. I woke up at 6am perfectly healthy, by 7am I was a snotty mess with swollen eyes and unable to breath without wheezing. I'm putting it down to allergies of some sort, but with every sneeze I feel terrible for rattling our embryo about...I imagine them bouncing around the walls of the uterus.

I am suffering from FET bi-polar. Ridiculous positivity one minute with soul crushing negativity coming along 30 seconds later. They don't warn you about how much of an anti-climax ET is. Once embryo was transferred that was that. Hopped of the bed, escorted to our room and told to come back for blood test in 9 days. No balloons, nobody crying and congratulating you in the corridors, no fanfare playing in the waiting room and confetti bursting out of cannons. Just put your knickers back on and off you go.

I feel like I should be doing more. But I don't know what. Completely and utterly powerless to change the outcome of this, whether I like it or not.

I've been ordered to rest by Martin, who think if I pick up the Hoover I'll damage the little embryo nestled inside. It struck me last night, rather depressingly, that if our embryo wasn't going to make it past blastocyst, it would already be dead, so to speak. But then I have to remind myself that at 1dp5dt he/she should be hatching and getting comfortable in their surroundings. (That's the FET bi-polar!)

Just had to email my manager and tell him that on my very first day back after 14 days off work, I'll be at the hospital in the morning so will be late. It's a good job they're understanding...not sure how understanding they'll be if another 2+ cycles are required though.

Today will be the worst day...it's the only day until testing when I'm on my own with nothing to keep me occupied. I've resigned myself to the fact that googling will do nothing to ease my worries. It seems there is absolutely NO correlation between embryo grade, age, uterine environment, transfer technique etc... And positive outcome. Woman have had perfect everything and have had negative cycles, plenty of woman have had 'OK' embryos and had success, plenty of woman have had pretty shitty embryos and had success...so it is very much a game of luck. Little one is either going to stick around, or they aren't. The decision has really already been made, and there is very little we can do to change it.

Tomorrow I will be going to the spa with my oldest friend to celebrate our collective birthdays (hers 20th April, mine 28th) although it turns out due to the little one on board, there's actually very little I can do at a spa! No swimming, no saunas, no hot stone massages etc... So looks like it will be more of a girly evening in a fancy hotel with some good food and non alcoholic drink! I return Friday afternoon and then need to pack and prepare for Poland. We'll be leaving for the airport around 2.30am Saturday morning, then fly off to our European home for the next 4 days. Every medical professional that I've spoken to has said I'm absolutely OK to fly in TWW, but I'll still worry! After 4 days of sight seeing around Krakow and celebrating turning 26 while PUPO, we'll return on the morning of the 29th April before preparing to return to work the next day. We've already agreed we'll test when we get home on the 29th, which will be 7dp5dt. Possibly still a little early but with returning to work the next day, is rather prepare myself either way as I'll be getting the 'official' result while I'm at the office anyway.