Names

Ive always been interested in different regions of the world and how they name their children, mums name, dads name, family name, middle names etc...and by searching the Internet for more information it seems that there are tons and tons or pages dedicated to naming children 'the British way' and that, apparently, we have a certain way of naming babies....I'm not so sure myself but it got me thinking.

This little one has a name and has had a name since he was a frozen embryo in an industrial freezer. His middle name has always been 'Raymond'...this isn't exactly my first choice of name but it's DHs beloved grandfathers name who passed away shortly before we began IVF and it seems fitting to use it. Sadly, at 14 weeks pregnant DH also lost his uncle who he loved dearly. This was completely unexpected and hit everyone hard, uncle was very supportive when we suffered our miscarriage and unfortunately died a few days before we told family our news which means he never knew he was going to be a great uncle. 

So we have toyed with the idea of using both names as Baby Bs 'middle names', but I'm not sure if it's too much on the poor guy? His name would then be M_______ Raymond William Briggs. Which is kinda long...

So what are people's thoughts? Two name too many or ok as it will only be used for formal purposes such as passports etc..?

Week 32

Still not loving them. Jeez I've seen woman with twins have perfectly smooth tummies at full term - this monster still have 6 weeks to go! Given that I've lost 8lbs since my GD diagnoses and he's not the size of a 3 year old I don't know why he's doing such a number on my belly. Clearly shitty skin genes!

This week we discovered the beginnings of placental insifficiency which they have chalked down to the diabetes. This means that there is restricted blood flow from the placenta to baby B which can slow down growth but, more importantly, can quickly deteriorate to complete placental break down. He's absolutely perfect at the minute and as they caught it really early they're not too concerned that things will dramatically decline. It will mean regular monitoring from now on to see how he's doing. This week alone we've had a repeat doppler scan, a diabetes check up and a CTG tomorrow morning. Next week we have another growth scan and see what else they would like. So far this monster isn't actually too monster like - he's in the 53rd centile and weighs around 4lbs. He's distinctly average size wise :)

Love thy pregnant body

I've mentioned before that stretch marks have NOT been my best friend during the past 6 weeks or so. In fact I don't know if I'm ashamed to admit that I've cried about these more times than I care to remember. I knew I was going to get them as I already have a collection of them of my thighs, hips and boobs from puberty and my skin is not made of stretchy stuff. Did that make it any easier when I first noticed them? Nope.

The thing to understand is that I don't hate them because of what they signify, my skin is stretching to accommodate my son, I love them for this. I hate them because they're forever, they're now here to stay with me for the rest of my waking days and there's very little I can do about it. Yes they will fade like me others, but my pre-pregnancy body is now gone, completely. As a woman who loves nothing more than throwing on a bikini and sitting on the sun these new lines take some getting used to. My current fear is never having the confidence to go to the beach with my son and splash in the sea without feeling too self conscious, I don't want to spend the rest of my life feeling unattractive and I certainly don't want to spend a majority of it too ashamed to be naked in front of my own husband due to my crepe like tummy...

So in order to try and learn to love my lines I'm going to stop ignoring them and try to learn to love (!) them. Which will include taking weekly photographs of my tummy to see how they've progressed, in the hope that one day I'll look back on them and actually feel proud. I'm not saying im going to post these photos on my blog, but to jump in feet first I decided the first 'stretch mark diary' should debut on here...

I'm having a baby

In a few short weeks. Jesus fucking Christ

This is the sudden realisation I had yesterday when making plans at work for the new year and it was pointed out to me by a colleague that I wouldn't be there.

So far I've been blissfully plodding along with my growing belly, getting to know his habits and that he likes warm baths and is already a Taylor Swift fan. Giving birth and having a son have always seemed like so far away - except it isn't. In 6 weeks he will be fully grown and could potentially come at any time from then.

The nursery isn't decorated. The cot hasn't been assembled. The pram is still waiting to be put together and I don't even have a hospital bag or practical things like maternity pads and breast pads.

Can I stop time and just have a little longer to try and pull myself together before he arrives please?

The belly

Almost 30 weeks. I have ill fitting underwear on and a very sexy non-wired crop top style bra. Yes those are stretch marks above my hips. I worked 4 years for this monster and here he is in all his glory. 9 weeks of growing left to do - where is he going to go?!

Growth Scan number 1

I had the first of our additional growth scans this morning and he's grown so much! He actually resembles a perfect little human being. All measurements were perfect, so despite my GD and my huge belly he's completely average size for his age and I'm not growing a monster. Estimated weight currently is 2.8lbs. 2.8lbs of chubby faced goodness.

My glucose monitoring is good and the diabetes nurse doesn't see the need to see me every two week and will now see me every 4 and the consultant is happy with how everything is going. They initially said induction at 38 weeks but as everything is going so well they're leaving towards 39 now, but have confirmed there is absolutely no way they'll let me go 40+.

That gives us only 10 weeks until he arrives.

I'm just going to say it!

I'm struggling.

There. I said it (typed it...) out loud. My inner infertile is giving me death stares and telling me I sold out and that I swore I would never say this, but I have to. I. am. Struggling. 

I love my baby, I smile every single time I feel him roll and everytime I feel him kick. It's like its just me and him, nobody else gets to feel these things or knows him like I do, for the next 10 weeks we get to remain in our exclusive club until he's welcomed into the world and I have to share him with his Daddy. I love planning his arrival, shopping for his things and thinking about how life will change when he gets here. I love him, I love being able to be a family and after 4 years having everything I dreamed of come true.

But it's hard.

I hate working 40+ hours a week with mild SPD and near constant heartburn. I leave my house at 7am everyday and don't walk back through the door until 7.30pm, at which point I am simply exhausted. Getting through a working day now is difficult. My hips hurt everytime I have to walk to the printer, I can't sit for anymore than 45minutes without my lower back beginning to ache. My workload is increasing every week. I am single handedly organising a two day national conference which takes place in 10 days time on top of my usual day to day work. I sleep for roughly 4hours a night and now the simple pleasure of chocolate or dessert after dinner has been taken away by the joy of GD. I think my plan of working until 39 weeks may have been a bit adventurous.

Last night I arrived home and oiled up my growing belly as I do every night and whilst admiring how utterly weird belly buttons look during pregnancy I noticed the angry red stretch marks that have now formed in my bikini area. I admit I crumpled and spent the next 10-15minutes in tears.

I love this little life I have growing inside me and everything that comes with it but it's hard