Just for fun...

I feel like a whale at the minute. I've already mentioned that I gained weight before FET, mostly down to comfort eating and not giving a crap. I weighed myself yesterday and I've gained 2.5lbs since getting my bfp. To be honest I though it would be more than that as I am definitely puffier than I was before! Thank god for jeggings and elasticated waists!

It certainly doesn't help that my current craving is salty crisps and I have to eat to not feel nauseous. I will try DESPERATELY to not end that pregnant weighing the same as a small bus.

Just for fun check out the 7w2d pouch!

Edit: this is laying down in bed this morning. It's easier to capture this way rather than when I'm sat up and my general flabby-ness joins in ;)

Pringles

I NEED them.

Salted Pringles. If I don't get some today I will not be held responsible for my actions!

Drum roll please....

7 weeks today.

Keep going little one!

After my one bad day this weekend the nausea seems to have changed. I do feel sick first thing in a morning before I eat, and I continue to feel nauseous if I let myself get hungry throughout the day. If I keep regularly eating I'm OK. I've found a more susceptible to travel sickness on the train and I struggle more to use my phone to keep me occupied during the morning commute.

Tiredness still raging and boobs are still very sore. I'm still panicking about not having many symptoms but I'm relaxing a tiny bit more with every day tha passes. I kep reminded myself that after you see a heart beat you have a 90-95% chance of a perfectly healthy baby. I chant it to myself numerous times a day.

I'm on annual leave from work now and won't be returning until I'm almost 9 weeks which means I can catch up on some much needed sleep and look forward to hitting double digits with this little one.

The fear of attending my next scan and being told baby Briggs is no longer with us is one I'm pushing to the back of my mind most days. But I'm doing good, I feel more relaxed.

I just can't wait to see them again!

Hey nausea

Welcome to the party.

Feeling increasingly nauseous when I wake up in the mornings now. Yesterday it was noticeable but didn't prevent me from doing much, today it's a really horrid 'drank-too-much-going-to-puke' kinda feeling in my upper throat. Still nothing that will prevent me from getting on with my day to day activities.

I'm certainly not complaining - we work damn hard for this queasiness!

The scan

I don't think I've ever been so petrified for something ever in my life, it didn't help that they were late calling us through so our 12am appointment actually became 11.15am.

We saw the little guy and more importantly saw his little heart beating away. Everything looks perfect, they measured them at 5w5d(+-3) which they said is absolutely fine for this stage. Before the scan started the nurse explained that if they were worried about anything they would bring us back in next week for a follow up, but after our scan this morning they've discharged us and are sending us to the normal person pregnancy unit. I'm not going to lie, I was upset about that. I love our small little community at the clinic! I need to make an appointment with my GP and wait for our midwife appointment which will be around 11-13 weeks! How can we wait that long!? We can call them for anything in the mean time, but once we've had our first 'proper' appointment we are no longer patients of the ACU.

I honestly don't know how to feel. Relieved. Ecstatic. Terrified. Overwhelmed. You name it, I feel it.


P.s. EDD 12th February 2015

6 weeks?!?

Did I really just type that?!

Wowzers.

The wait from freshly pregnant 4 weeks to 5 weeks seemed like an eternity, but I can't believe as turned 6 weeks pregnant today!!

Tiredness and very sore boobs still my two main symptoms, starting to feel a little under the weather throughout the mornings but I wouldn't class it as m/s.

Moment of truth is tomorrow at 11am - please let there be a little heart beating away. Please.

Edit: I'm adding hunger to my list. But a very specific hunger that strikes as soon as I wake up in the morning. I seem to be so hungry first thing that I wake up with a growling tummy...

The infertile pregnant woman (yes, we exist)

For the past 2 weeks since I've known I was pregnant (is it seriously only two weeks?!!) I've often wondered if anyone has ever had a completely worry free pregnancy. If I had just gotten pregnant naturally would I spend so many hours in constant worry, or be preparing myself for the worst at every possible hurdle?! I wonder what it's like to see a BFP and not analyse the shade of the line, do ten more for comparison then obsessively google photos of bfps, beta levels etc...before having it confirmed. What's it like to get a bfp and just sit back and smile and be excited? Don't get me wrong, there are a few blissful moments when I find myself thinking of names or nursery ideas but then I find myself mentally scolding myself for getting carried away with it all at barely 6 weeks!

After all these years don't we DESERVE to have some blissful happiness that isn't tormented by worry immediately after?!

When I was cramping daily from BFP I was panicking, now the cramping has stopped I'm panicking.

I'm convinced somebody is going to report me for molesting myself as I am obsessed with poking my boobs. I've realised now that I don't even care when or where, when I want reassurance I'll give me a poke! Whether that's at work, on the train on at the supermarket check out!

Yesterday I didn't nap in the afternoon - clearly a bad sign!

I don't have morning sickness yet - never pregnant in the first place, all a fluke.

Sometimes I do relax and remind myself that all is well, we're almost at 6 weeks with no spotting or any bleeding to report. But then I remember....BLIGHTED OVUMS! You don't spot or bleed at all with those, yes, I definitely must have one of them.

Jeeez. I think with infertility we're just predisposed to be given bad news, I don't think we are now physically capable of receiving good news when we go to the clinic.

Needless to say I had a total of around 2 hours sleep last night because I couldn't stop worrying about bloody blighted ovums. What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm pregnant, we finally did it. Yet rather than planning on our big announcement in planning my recovery period for when it all gets taken away from us.

Damn you infertility for absolutely ruining what is supposed to be one of the most joyful times of my entire life.

80% of pregnancies are perfectly healthy. 80% of pregnancies are perfectly healthy, which means there's only a 20% chance of being one of the unlucky ones. Those odds aren't too bad - but then I remember that I've been in the unlucky 10% before and stayed there for 4 years.

Today I am calling in sick to catch up on sleep and actually look after myself. I worked an extra 8 hours last week and felt completely exhausted. For once I don't feel too guilty for calling in sick, and I've decided in going to be totally honest with my manager. I'm pregnant, I'm exhausted, I feel under the weather and I need to rest up. So there.

Friday can't come soon enough, if there's a little heart beating in there I need to see it to believe it.