"....just get over it"

Aloha

So since our big "unveil" of our infertility,  we've decided to keep this blog going as a kind of personal diary of everything that is related to trying to conceive (TTC), that and somewhere that I can rant and rave about things that piss me off when on the outside I'm smiling (i'm so nice to peoples faces) we might never make it public, might only make it public to family and close friends, but what ever happens, we needed somewhere to write everything down so it makes more sense to us. Of anything in the world, I can promise you that you have no idea what infertility feels like, or does to a relationship, until you've experienced it yourselves, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy so sincerely hope you don't have to find out what its like.

On our LONG journey of TTC our first child, suffering one miscarriage and spending around £1000 in pregnancy tests, ovulation tests, lotions, potions, vitamins, prescriptions etc...over the past 2 years, I found a really lovely website dedicated to woman and couples also suffering from infertility, some unexplained like Martin and I, some with physical issues preventing them from becoming pregnant but all of us with a final goal in mind. It might sound silly to other people but it has actually provided us with a lot of support and advice over the past 2 years, and I've made some good friends on there who know what we're going through. Today I went onto the website to see how the weekend had been for some friends of mine, as the jubilee brought many family parties and BBQs, which for someone suffering from infertility can be a worse nightmare to see other people with their children and have to seem happy about it.

Anyway, on there was a new member who had recently fallen out with her infertile friend after becoming pregnant, as she hadn't seem as supportive as she had wanted her to be. Among this post were phrases such as
"Get over yourselves...", "just adopt...", "You don't have the right to be pissed off..." "You are all selfish"  and my personal favourite "...Infertility is not a disease, stop treating it as one, if you want a baby so damn much go and adopt one".

After I'd finished with the voodoo doll and casting spells, I realised that generally people are just so bloody ignorant to infertility because for some reasons it's a taboo subject. I'll admit I don't know anyone who has suffered from fertility problems, but since 1 in 5 couples in the UK do, I probably do, but just don't know about it because 'nobody talks about it...'.

We suffer from unexplained infertility, probably the worst kind, as nobody can give you n explanation, and nothing can be fixed. Unexplained infertility is annoying because at no point in time will a doctor say "this is not going to happen for you" because there no reason it won't, it could take 3 years, 5 years or even 15 years, but theres nothing medically found to be wrong...so this vicious cycle could continue indefinitely...

Unexplained infertility, is not actually "there isn't a problem". Unexplained infertility means in the medical world 'There is a problem, but at the moment the technology doesn't exist to be able to detect what that problem is'. Do you see infertility charities advertising for donations for new tests and technologies? Nope. Do you see support groups advertised in doctors waiting rooms for infertile people? Nope. Do YOU really know what infertility is? The processes a couple goes through, the tests, the procedures, the assisted conception methods such as Clomid, IUI, IVF, ICSI etc...? Probably not. Do YOU understand what actually goes into making a baby? I'll give you a clue, there is a hell of a lot more to it then just having sex (so one night stand and accidental babies simply PISS me off) do you know what TTC, LTTTC, OPK, HPT, CM, SMEP, U/E, IF, BBT, PGST, LH, LP, DPO, EWCM, POAS, FRER, AF, DH, MIL, BFP, BFN and BD mean? Nope. I do, because I suffer from infertility. I need to know what these things mean, I need to know the perfect recipe for making a baby, I need to know what vitamins to take, what days to have sex, what not to eat, what not to do, what time to have sex, to take my temperature EVERY MORNING before I do anything else, to take tablet after tablet at the right time, then wait two weeks to take a pregnancy tests only to know I have to do the same thing all again next month because we've failed. Because thats infertility, thats not being able to do the single, most natural thing our bodies were designed to do.

So please, before you assume a female friend of yours, or a family member must be having babies soon because she's a)married b) getting older c) already has a child who is getting older think before you speak. Maybe they have been trying to have a baby for a very long time, but it's too much of a taboo subject to talk about.