Insert general moan here

I'm really upset/annoyed/pissed/exasperated with everything right now. Which will probably come through quite well in this post! (Apologies in advance!)

Remember the best friend who was ttc-but-actually-having-an-affair? Well I have pretty much bent over backwards to make sure she's had someone to talk to over the past 5 weeks or so. I don't agree with what she's doing, but I didn't want her to be in the position where she had no-one to talk to, so I offered advice, stayed up until 2-3am talking to her, got up at 6am with her to chat, have been 'lying' to Martin about it all (as far as she knows) and have generally, in my opinion, been a pretty good friend.

Well 2 weeks ago, best friend stayed over at mine one Saturday night as we shared a drink or too, and then disappeared VERY quickly around8am on Sunday morning. Very peculiar and not the norm. I received a very upset phone call a few hours later explaining that the guy she was having an affair with had called it all off. Obviously, being a good friend, I asked Martin to leave the house (which he did) so I could invite her round. We spent the afternoon calling him names and talking about what a lucky escape she had and everything in between. That night she text me to say she actually felt a huge sense of relief as she wasn't lying about anything anymore and things could go back to 'normal' (I am of the belief that once you've had an affair there is no such thing as going back to normal..however I digress)

A few days later I receive texts at 2am saying "I miss him (crying face)" and sit up texting her and telling her, in a firm but friendly way, that she needs to sit down and seriously think about her life. Shes living with her long term boyfriend but is heart broken over a guy who she was seeing behind his back...in my opinion, this was a big sign that the long term relationship had run its course. At the time I thought the advice had been taken on board...

Fast forward to the last week and I've been increasingly stressed and down about impending IVF, i'm not sleeping well, taking sleeping tablets, being down in the dumps and generally not a happy bunny (I'm ecstatic to be going through IVF, obviously, but distraught with worry!). Aforementioned friend has text me a few times (maybe one or two) to ask how I am. The first one I responded with "A bit stressed and down about IVF, panicking and not sleeping much. A good nights sleep and i'll feel better" the response? "That sucks. What are you doing next weekend?" (?!?) I continued with "I'm not sure, depending on mother nature I might be at the clinic beginning treatment. Why?" her next response? "Oh no reason. Let me know when you know..."

Now so far I have been a bit forgiving because people often are awkward and worried about discussing IF and IVF when they don't know much about it.  I didn't hear from her for the past 3 days. Last night at 10pm I received a text saying "I hope you're feeling better" I replied with an honest "I will do in a weeks time when it's all begin. I'm just exhausted from making myself panic so much I'm not sleeping! Stupid brain!" and her reply was "I need man advice..."

Im so upset. Apart from Martin I feel so alone. I'm pretty much asking for some form of support and this is what I'm getting back?! On one hand, I want to call her out on her crap and tell her how selfish she's being and how upsetting this is to me. On the other hand I know her well enough to know that she doesn't ever resolve arguments, seriously. I've known her loose childhood friends because she would rather cut them out of her life when they have an argument than try and resolve it. I mean, this happens regularly. I know if I point out this behaviour to her, she will gladly not contact me for the next 5 years than apologies.

Part of me thinks shes also going through something massive, shes facing the end of a 9 year relationship and her whole world turning upside down, that maybe to her this is as big as IVF, and that I shouldn't expect her to be there for me. After all, what do I want her to say? I know full well that as a fertile, she would only annoy me with her "I know it's going to work!" and "I have a good feeling" that its almost best shje just stay quiet.

I don't know. I just don't.