All expenses paid trip, with private en suite and view overlooking the city

Happy Valentines!! Guess where I am on this, the most romantic day of the year?? In my bed on the gynaecology ward of the hospital... The titles correct though, I DO have a private room and I'm 7 floors up so can see a lot of the city. My nausea took on a whole new life yesterday and became vomiting and feeling like death. For the first time in my adult life I didn't make it to the toilet. The poor bathroom floor, and the cat, we're sadly vomited on. Sigh. Called the clinic and they asked me to go straight to the hospital, I feel a bit of a fraud, I do feel very crappy and my ovaries are very sore, but I'm not showing any characteristics of severe OHSS. In for careful monitoring of my fluids and regular measuring of my tummy. How romantic!

Transfer day

Or at least it should be. Instead I'm at home watching the Winter Olympics. Who comes up with some of these sports?! Throwing yourself, head first, down an ice tunnel with your face inches away from the ground, travelling at a billion miles an hour?! What's wrong with tennis, or swimming? The embryologist called this morning, but Martin answered the phone. 3 of our remaining embies made it to blast, which is great! All I know is that they're not top quality, but they are good to freeze, which I assume means they're good quality. Obviously, I'm a little devastated they're not top quality, but need to ask the embryologist more questions when I go in to the hospital tomorrow. I know grading is subjective but everything has been so up in the air the past week that nobody has ever sat us down and talked through it with us. She said perfect grade embryos have an 80% chance of surviving the thaw, and she thinks ours have a 70-80% chance. Not that that makes any more sense to me. So 4 top grade day 3 embies in the freezer, 3 good grade blasts joining them today and we have 3 slow-pokes who weren't doing so well at day 2, who were left to their own devices and will be checked tomorrow. They may have all arrested, but some may have caught up enough to freeze.

Since egg collection is gradually felt worse and worse everyday. Nausea started two evenings ago on and off, yesterday it was more apparent and today it's constant. I'm less bloated than I was but in more pain, laying on my side is difficult. My bloods show my hydration levels are normal, but yesterday my liver function tests jumped from 33 (top of normal) to 274! So they're worried about that one! Other than that I've hatched an evil plan to try and bring FER (frozen embryo replacement as my clinic call it) forward slightly. AF in March would be due around 20th, with our FER appointment on 26th, meaning we couldn't start treatment until end of April....so I figured if carry on taking my progesterone for just a little while longer, long enough to delay it so AF is due early April shaving a good 3-4 weeks off our wait. Very naughty, but I think we deserve to tweak the rules a little.

so close...

So close and yet so far. My bloods are improving, but embryology have decided they want to do a freeze all. They're going to leave our four remaining embies until day 5 and see how many blasts we have, then freeze them. In the meantime I have to travel 35 miles at 6.45 every morning for a blood tests. Doesn't feel like there is any point anymore. I'm not dying, I know what to look out for, you're freezing my babies, so why the daily bloods?! Urgh. I was expecting it, but currently heart broken and pissed off with the world. I just hope our babies make it through the thaw :( Edit: first FET appointment we can get is 26th March and we start the cycle after that. Since they've told me to expect AF I'm around 5-10 days from now, my next AF will be around mid-march...so we'll actually be looking at starting mid to late April, which means we could potentially not get to do our FET until MAY. So fucking sick of this

I'm becoming increasingly convinced my life is the Truman show

As requested, we attending the clinic for more repeat blood tests this morning. Although we were fourth in the queue (and that was arriving at 7.30am, 30 minutes before the clinic opened) they took us into the nurses room almost straight away. It turns out my blood wasn't just a little bit thick, it came back as so dehydrated they've given me sexy anti-embolism stockings to wear all week and are keeping a close eye on todays results. My blood was taken and we had a chat with the nurse (we love the nurses) who asked me if I was off work and to not to any heavy lifting, quick movements or cleaning as I'm at risk of 'twisting an ovary' (ouch!). After bloods were taken we then saw the consultant, who I'd never seen before but was also very pleasant. He wanted to scan my tummy so he could see what was going on. First he tried to have a feel of my abdomen, but I couldn't stand him pushing on me because of the tenderness, so we went straight to the ultrasound. My ovaries are currently the size of melons (I'd go with honeydew, not water) and sitting under my ribs...which points towards moderate to severe OHSS. However, I don't have any fluid collecting in my abdomen which should accompany this. So it's a bit of a head scratcher. My bloods are showing moderate/severe OHSS, but I'm drinking, my wee is clear and high in volume, but my ovaries just carry on growing. Apart from bloating and very tender abdomen I feel fine....?! They've signed me off work for the next 7 days anyway, which I was also quite surprised about as I was planning on going in tomorrow. The doctor wants to look at my bloods from today and explained that currently for some reason all the fluid i'm drinking is just not getting into my actual blood and tissue, but it's not collecting either...so who knows where it's going. If my results don't show a marked improvement today I will be admitted to hospital for 24hours on IV fluids. We then had to wait to see embryology. My little babies are still growing well, we still have 8 top grade embies with another 3 still dividing at a slower rate. Because of the number we have, they recommended that they take 4 of the top grade embies and freeze them today, leaving the other 4 dividing until they know more about my health. If my bloods come back OK, there is still the possibility for fresh ET on Thursday, if they don't they think they'll take the other 4 until day 5 and then freeze them. That would leave us with four day 3 frosties and 4 day 5 frosties for our FET next month. Deep down I think we're going down the path of FET, I'm ok with that today. I want my body to be the best possible environment for that little one when it gets put back into me, if that means waiting 3-4 more weeks than so be it. On out way home from the hospital it started snowing, the first snow we've had this year. First snow on the day we're freezing our babies...I don't usually look for symbolism in anything but this made me smile. I may be writing my next entry from my hospital bed.

Stupid body!

Physically, I feel fine. Honestly. I feel like I've been kicked by a horse in the ovary region, but no nausea or general feelings of unwell-ness. In the past week I've drank at least 3 litres of water and isotonic drinks to keep hydrated. Peeing at least once-twice an hour! So imagine my heartbreak when my blood test results come back and show severe dehydration. Not a little bit, severe! I've either got some weird and wonderful disease, my blood test was a due, or OHSS is kicking in. Fucker. Another tests tomorrow but if my bloods don't come back OK it will be a freeze all and FET next cycle. I know I shouldn't be upset by this, it's only a matter of weeks, but I am. Work are being fantastic, I've taken today off because I am sore and didn't fancy the commute there and back, I emailed my manager and she said to take care and don't worry about work, my health and emotional well being is much more important. I could go in tomorrow but I don't know if I fancy being in a full office when/if I'm told they're going to freeze my little embies :( Body, you actually suck!

embie update

Had an early morning call from the lab this morning with news on our little embies. We sadly lost one over night, but we have 11 embryos that are dividing away and 8 of those are currently top quality. What a huge relief. I went for my OHSS check up this morning, a whole blood screen to see whats going on. I am a little more tender today than I was yesterday and reaching for the paracetamol more often. But I haven't gained any weight and I'm still peeing up a storm so fingers crossed my bloods will show this. If my bloods come back OK we'll be going for a 5 day transfer on Thursday, if something in my bloods is off we'll do a freeze all and FET next month. Watch this space I guess.

Drum roll.....

12 fertilised eggs