When I was tiny my favourite Disney film was The Little Mermaid. My uncle took me to see it when I was 2 years old (yep, I'm a young'un) and I slept all the way through it.
Flounder was one of my favourite characters, so it seem quite fitting now that flounder is the best possible way to describe how I'm doing. How I'm coping? I'm not.
I've written moany posts before, I've written posts when I'm pissed off before. This is different. I'm bit pissed off, I'm not just moany, I'm floundering. I don't see the point in life. I'm stuck. I have a disease which needs to he treated and a medical team that won't perform surgery, and another disease that means I may never have children that can't be treated. How can anyone EVER be ok with that?! I just want one child. Just one. I will never want for more. I just want to experience pregnancy once. The kicking, the scans, the excitement. Just once. I don't need any more than that.
If I can't do that, what's the point in me existinrg, honestly? I'm floundering. I've never, ever, felt so low in my entire life.
Oh lady, I wish I could say something to make this all go away. Keep the communication strong with your husband. It was eye opening to see that I was not the only one going through this.
ReplyDeleteMuch love, many hugs and kisses and please take care of yourself. I can't wait for the day you get to experience everything you've ever wanted. In the meant time, hang on to the good things and good people that you have. Lean on anyone that you need to.
xoxo
Found the perfect quote. It was from you, to me, after my failed IVF:
ReplyDelete" I want to fly/swim/run over there and give you biggest hug and largest bottle of wine I can find."
:)
xoxo
This comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteYou're not floundering. You've done what you can, lit a fire under NHS's arse, been persistent, and did as the doctors have ordered. The crap that is happening now is beyond your control. All you have to do now is ride this shit storm. It will pass again, just like it had before.
ReplyDeleteMy favorite part of LM is when Sebastian was on death's door getting chased by the chef. Hehe