2dp5dt

Can you believe I'm writing that title again?

Well yesterday was very uneventful, I feel great...it's strange that that's disappointing to me. I even started googling "1dp5dt no symptoms" like an actual crazy lady, when I KNOW that in real terms that only equates to 6dpo. PUT GOOGLE AWAY YOU MAD LADY!

I felt nauseous for about an hour and a yesterday evening which never happens to me unless I'm ill, but at 1dp transfer I'm not attributing that to anything other than an empty stomach and diet coke.

Today I feel fine too (well, it's only 9.15am) I do feel a little bruised I'm the uterine area, but only that I notice if I'm reaching up to get something or bending down to pick something up. Again, I'm not attributing that to anything but a large plastic tube poking into my womb 2 days ago.

I had a minute amount of brown spotting yesterday, so minute I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't looking out for it. Last time round I had more noticeable spotting so I feel like my cervix and womb has had an easier ride.

I'm not back at work until tomorrow and I'm going crazy! I know booking time off work was a good thing to do, but it's just me and the cats and the picture of our little embryo hanging above the fireplace. I, personally, don't think I can be blamed for googling myself silly. While googling I did notice SO MANY, mostly American, woman who had the whole two weeks off work. HOW DO THEY DO IT?! Clinics over here don't recommend ANY time away from work and encourage you to get back into your normal routine the day after transfer. Two weeks of bed rest and my mental health would be beyond recovery!

Last month I suffered from FET bipolar, this month I just have FET depression. The first two days are no different to our last negative cycle so I'm finding it difficult to stop being Eeyore and letting the black cloud follow me around. We're already talking about next cycle, then I get a pang of guilt incase the little guy is still there and can hear us. The most heart wrenching thing is knowing if it hasn't worked our embryo is already dead. It actually pains me.

Did I mention that official test day (June 5th) is the day I'm presenting at a conference all day? A conference which has been planned since January and there's no way out of it. Next week is SO busy that it simply isn't possible for me to have any time off at home no matter what the outcome of the cycle - if it is negative I'm going to struggle. A lot.

Votes for when we should test;

1) Sunday: I will only be 5dp5dt so it's still a little early although chances are could give an accurate result. It would give us the whole day together to grieve or celebrate (panic) before returning to work on Momday, but I don't want to test negative than convince myself it's too early and live I'm false hope.

2) Tuesday might : I will be 7dp5dt so should get an accurate result. BUT I will only test when we get home from work at 7pm, which gives me a whole day at the office to sit through. We usually head to bed around 9.30pm (we're old and get up at 5.30) so it would mean very little time to actually sit and process and quite possibly, a difficult sleepless night.

Which is the lesser of two evils?