I am so bad at updating this thing, this time I have no proper excuse, just pure laziness. I apologies, to all of my imaginary readers who are, obviously, checking every single day for an update...
Sooooooo I'm in a better mood than I was the last time I posted. Last time I posted was a few days after our latest fertility specialist appointment and I was feeling down, we're now 5 weeks on and I think I am the happiest I've been for the past 3 years in regards to trying to have a family. I don't know why, I think it's because we're on a break so not actively TTC, but I just feel better about the whole thing. I have a smile on my face, I don't check my calendar every single day to see whats going on that day, I haven't bought ovulation or pregnancy tests for three months and we have sex when we want to have sex, FOR FUN! I'm loving it!!!
So what has happened to us over the past 5 weeks? Well we celebrated out first wedding anniversary, which was fabulous. I have to admit a few weeks leading up to our anniversary I felt like our marriage had failed because we were 1 year in, and still no child, I was starting to feel edgy about the whole thing, waiting for the questions about babies and family pressures, but on the day I got my present. It was quite big and I had no idea what it is (this is the first time Martin and I have managed to keep presents a secret...) so I opened it up, and this is what my husband had bought me
Along the bottom is STEPHANIE AND MARTIN 26.10.201!. He's right. He's completely, utterly and astoundingly right (don't tell him though). This now sits in a lovely frame in our hallway, so it's the first thing I see when I walk into the house, and the last thing I see at night as it's by our bedroom door. Since this day, I feel like I've fallen in love with him all over again...which makes me sick in my mouth a little bit. But he's my best friend, and sometimes when I cuddle him I can't get close enough.
Ok, now you've finished throwing up I'll carry on! What else....well I started dieting AGAIN! Argh!! Growing up I NEVER had a problem with my weight, I was always a size 6-8 skinny little thing, could at what I wanted, and completely took it for granted! When I left home for university I was still a skinny size 8 - until a life of alcohol and take away took over!! By the end of my first year of university I was a size 10-12...still not to bad I hear you say, but bad for me. Worse yet by the end of second year I had crept up to a size 14 and gone from 9 stone to 11 stone in two years!! But let me set the scene, during these two years I was drinking excessively around 3-4 nights a week, each of these evenings would be finished off by a take away. For breakfast I would eat cheese on toast from the university canteen with friends, and for lunch it was often a cheap package sandwich with something frozen and student friendly in the evenings. I don't think I knew what an apple was during these years, or a lettuce!
In my third year I joined weigh watchers. Weight Watchers was good, I counted points, I exercised, I went to bed at 8pm most nights because my stomach was eating itself with hunger, in 3 months I'd lost 2 stone and was back down to my svelte 9 stone! Hurrah! It was great, I remember going home to Sheffield after not seeing my parents for 2 months and them being amazed at how different I looked. It was brill, I went on beaches in bikinis and looked good! Then Martin happened...bless him.
We went out for meals a lot (as you do) we spent days in bed eating takeaways and watching films, we lived together, we had to save money, healthy eating went out of the window again, and guess what?! 3 years on I was back up to 11 stone again. Sob. Sooo dieting was in order. Plus loosing weight is never going to hurt with trying to have a baby. This time I didn't want to do Weight Watchers, I couldn't starve myself again, so my best friend Steph (she really is a different person, I've not got MPD) suggested Slimming World. So at the start of October off I popped to my meeting, got the instructions, and honestly didn't think it would work. I couldn't see how!! Heres the rules;
- You can eat as much pasta, rice and potatoes as you want (Honest!)
- You can eat as much fruit and vegetables as you want.
- You have an Healthy Extra A (milk or cheese) and a Healthy Extra B (bread, cereal, oil) every day, and you MUST eat them.
- You can have up to 15 syns a day to get you through. A ginger nut for example is 3.5syns, a Curly Wurly 6 syns...
- All of your meals must have 1/3 of the plate 'super free' food - which is just fruit or veg
So my daily food looks something like this ;
Breakfast - Coffee with milk (HEA) and 2 wheat-a-bix with a banana on top
Lunch - Jacket Potato with baked beans with a banana and apple.
Dinner - Spaghetti Bolognese, Shepherds Pie, Lasagne, Rissotto (our current favourite) - all made from scratch with fresh ingredients, nothing out of a jar.
And the result? well 10 weeks into my diet and I have lost 17pounds! Hurrah! Ok, so the weight loss is much less than it was on weigh watchers, but I'm not hungry, ever! I'm enjoying it! As of yesterday I had lost 10% of my body fat, and am back into 'healthy' BMI, and I still have another stone ish to loose, so my body is honestly the healthiest it's ever been whist TTC. Gotta help right? Martin has also been stuck doing the SW diet by default, as he eats what I eat, and he's also lost about 16lbs! We're both trimmer, both healthier and feel much better. In fact, last week for a treat, we had a naughty KFC after weight in and we honestly felt shit afterwards! Horrid!
My stomach ulcers have calmed down immensely since dieting, which is great! So there is less of me than there was the last time I updated too, yay!!
As for TTC - Martin did his second semen analysis a few weeks ago and I have had more CD2 bloods taken, now we just have to wait until our next appointment in January to discuss. I don't mind waiting, I'm enjoying the break too much. I'm hoping we'll have some answers in January, or at least know the next step (please please please IUI!)
Ohhh almost forget, AF was very naughty last month. I have had periods every month since I was 13. Thats 11 years worth of periods, or 132 cycles to be precise. In those 132 cycles I have ALWAYS been as regular as clockwork - I've maybe had 2 cycles when AF has arrived early, but NEVER had a cycle when she's arrived late. My only late period was the miscarriage, which doesn't count. So, imagine my surprise when on November 7th 2012, there is absolutely NO period in sight. Nothing. Not even a slight pain in my general female area. "hmmm odd" I think. There is ZERO chance I'm pregnant, in fact I'm so serious about the break, I have put a ban on all sexual activity around ovulation time, so I can relax and not have the niggle in the back of my mind. November 8th, 9th and 10th pass - still no period. I did do a pregnancy test "just incase", obviously negative! So I'm not 4 days late, and Martin is convinced I'm pregnant, despite me telling him otherwise. 11th, 12th, 13th and 14th of November also pass by period free, I'm now 8 days late and no idea why. Finally 10 DAYS LATE my period decides to arrive. God timing as it's the weekend so I can deal with the pain at home, and it means I can go and have CD2 bloods on the Monday, but still. WTH??! My first ever cycle which got into 40+ days...I'm hoping something shows up in my bloods to explain why??
Other news - We're skinter than a skint thing. Martin and I both work 30 miles away, in opposite directions. This means both of us travel 300 miles A WEEK and have to pay for this travel, Marts pays for petrol, I have to pay for a monthly train ticket. Train ticker costs £220 a month, petrol costs £150 then I have £50 on bus fares to get from the train station to work. If you do the maths you will see that that is a shit load of money that we're brining home and not seeing, £430 a month on travel. Our rent is only £525....so we need to move. Or get different jobs - it's kinda killing us financially living like this, we are earning good wages each month, but loosing over £100 a week on travel is killing us money wise and we end up with less money than friends and family who work in much lower paid positions (not being a snob at all, just stating facts!) to the point when we have to budget how much we can afford to spend on food a week! So thats fun...
So thats about it, I'm skinnier, I'm not trying to have a baby until 2013, work is going well, still waiting for my appointment with the cardiologist and FS in January, but was told you only get a letter a month before the appointment.
One of my very good LTTTC friends has just gone through IVF. I'm so excited, worried, nervous and anxious for her. At this very moment in time I honestly think I would be happier if she gets her BFP than if I get my BFP (refer to my love of the TTC break) but at the same time I can't imagine how much she's going through. If you read this KK - I love you, and am there for you no matter what!!!
Gosh that was long...
xxx
