Just for fun...

I feel like a whale at the minute. I've already mentioned that I gained weight before FET, mostly down to comfort eating and not giving a crap. I weighed myself yesterday and I've gained 2.5lbs since getting my bfp. To be honest I though it would be more than that as I am definitely puffier than I was before! Thank god for jeggings and elasticated waists!

It certainly doesn't help that my current craving is salty crisps and I have to eat to not feel nauseous. I will try DESPERATELY to not end that pregnant weighing the same as a small bus.

Just for fun check out the 7w2d pouch!

Edit: this is laying down in bed this morning. It's easier to capture this way rather than when I'm sat up and my general flabby-ness joins in ;)

Pringles

I NEED them.

Salted Pringles. If I don't get some today I will not be held responsible for my actions!

Drum roll please....

7 weeks today.

Keep going little one!

After my one bad day this weekend the nausea seems to have changed. I do feel sick first thing in a morning before I eat, and I continue to feel nauseous if I let myself get hungry throughout the day. If I keep regularly eating I'm OK. I've found a more susceptible to travel sickness on the train and I struggle more to use my phone to keep me occupied during the morning commute.

Tiredness still raging and boobs are still very sore. I'm still panicking about not having many symptoms but I'm relaxing a tiny bit more with every day tha passes. I kep reminded myself that after you see a heart beat you have a 90-95% chance of a perfectly healthy baby. I chant it to myself numerous times a day.

I'm on annual leave from work now and won't be returning until I'm almost 9 weeks which means I can catch up on some much needed sleep and look forward to hitting double digits with this little one.

The fear of attending my next scan and being told baby Briggs is no longer with us is one I'm pushing to the back of my mind most days. But I'm doing good, I feel more relaxed.

I just can't wait to see them again!

Hey nausea

Welcome to the party.

Feeling increasingly nauseous when I wake up in the mornings now. Yesterday it was noticeable but didn't prevent me from doing much, today it's a really horrid 'drank-too-much-going-to-puke' kinda feeling in my upper throat. Still nothing that will prevent me from getting on with my day to day activities.

I'm certainly not complaining - we work damn hard for this queasiness!

The scan

I don't think I've ever been so petrified for something ever in my life, it didn't help that they were late calling us through so our 12am appointment actually became 11.15am.

We saw the little guy and more importantly saw his little heart beating away. Everything looks perfect, they measured them at 5w5d(+-3) which they said is absolutely fine for this stage. Before the scan started the nurse explained that if they were worried about anything they would bring us back in next week for a follow up, but after our scan this morning they've discharged us and are sending us to the normal person pregnancy unit. I'm not going to lie, I was upset about that. I love our small little community at the clinic! I need to make an appointment with my GP and wait for our midwife appointment which will be around 11-13 weeks! How can we wait that long!? We can call them for anything in the mean time, but once we've had our first 'proper' appointment we are no longer patients of the ACU.

I honestly don't know how to feel. Relieved. Ecstatic. Terrified. Overwhelmed. You name it, I feel it.


P.s. EDD 12th February 2015

6 weeks?!?

Did I really just type that?!

Wowzers.

The wait from freshly pregnant 4 weeks to 5 weeks seemed like an eternity, but I can't believe as turned 6 weeks pregnant today!!

Tiredness and very sore boobs still my two main symptoms, starting to feel a little under the weather throughout the mornings but I wouldn't class it as m/s.

Moment of truth is tomorrow at 11am - please let there be a little heart beating away. Please.

Edit: I'm adding hunger to my list. But a very specific hunger that strikes as soon as I wake up in the morning. I seem to be so hungry first thing that I wake up with a growling tummy...

The infertile pregnant woman (yes, we exist)

For the past 2 weeks since I've known I was pregnant (is it seriously only two weeks?!!) I've often wondered if anyone has ever had a completely worry free pregnancy. If I had just gotten pregnant naturally would I spend so many hours in constant worry, or be preparing myself for the worst at every possible hurdle?! I wonder what it's like to see a BFP and not analyse the shade of the line, do ten more for comparison then obsessively google photos of bfps, beta levels etc...before having it confirmed. What's it like to get a bfp and just sit back and smile and be excited? Don't get me wrong, there are a few blissful moments when I find myself thinking of names or nursery ideas but then I find myself mentally scolding myself for getting carried away with it all at barely 6 weeks!

After all these years don't we DESERVE to have some blissful happiness that isn't tormented by worry immediately after?!

When I was cramping daily from BFP I was panicking, now the cramping has stopped I'm panicking.

I'm convinced somebody is going to report me for molesting myself as I am obsessed with poking my boobs. I've realised now that I don't even care when or where, when I want reassurance I'll give me a poke! Whether that's at work, on the train on at the supermarket check out!

Yesterday I didn't nap in the afternoon - clearly a bad sign!

I don't have morning sickness yet - never pregnant in the first place, all a fluke.

Sometimes I do relax and remind myself that all is well, we're almost at 6 weeks with no spotting or any bleeding to report. But then I remember....BLIGHTED OVUMS! You don't spot or bleed at all with those, yes, I definitely must have one of them.

Jeeez. I think with infertility we're just predisposed to be given bad news, I don't think we are now physically capable of receiving good news when we go to the clinic.

Needless to say I had a total of around 2 hours sleep last night because I couldn't stop worrying about bloody blighted ovums. What the hell is wrong with me?! I'm pregnant, we finally did it. Yet rather than planning on our big announcement in planning my recovery period for when it all gets taken away from us.

Damn you infertility for absolutely ruining what is supposed to be one of the most joyful times of my entire life.

80% of pregnancies are perfectly healthy. 80% of pregnancies are perfectly healthy, which means there's only a 20% chance of being one of the unlucky ones. Those odds aren't too bad - but then I remember that I've been in the unlucky 10% before and stayed there for 4 years.

Today I am calling in sick to catch up on sleep and actually look after myself. I worked an extra 8 hours last week and felt completely exhausted. For once I don't feel too guilty for calling in sick, and I've decided in going to be totally honest with my manager. I'm pregnant, I'm exhausted, I feel under the weather and I need to rest up. So there.

Friday can't come soon enough, if there's a little heart beating in there I need to see it to believe it.

5 1/2 weeks

Our festival weekend is over :(

Woke up this morning with what feels like a killer hangover, horrid-pre-vomit-saliva-mouth and a very upset stomach. Even my spring water had me running for the bathroom. Which means we've made the decision to cut our weekend slightly short and head home this morning instead of to the arena. My back and tummy will be thankful, but we're going to miss Aerosmith which is heartbreaking!

The very first story this little one is going to get told is how they have to be on their absolute best behaviour because mummy missed Aerosmith for them.

P.s. Huge smiles all round when Martin got his very first 'Daddy-to-be' Father's Day card this morning. Now there's something we never thought we'd get to do!

5w2d - did I speak too soon?!

Woke up this morning just feeling very icky. Not neaseous as such, just very 'Bleugh'. I have a pounding headache and my boobs (which we have now nicknamed 'the monsters' are just ridiculous. I wouldn't say it's morning sickness, just general feeling under the weather. I got up at 9am to jump on the shower and ended up going to lie down again for an hour because I didn't have the energy to actually get in.

We're currently at a 3 day music festival (Download Festival) and I was worried at first, but it's going fine. We're staying in a hotel so no camping for us, there are 100,000+ people there and A LOT of rock music but we've managed to stay away from the big crowds, find places to sit/stand that aren't crowded so I feel more relaxed about the next two days. The only problem is peeing! The toilets at the festival aren't as bad as I've seen them before, bit definitely not pleasant! My favorite band headlined last night and I tried to dance and sing quite sensibly as I was convinced any jumping would dislodge the little one. Needless to say I jped for around 30seconds when my all time favorite song came on, then my boobs quickly reminded me that jumping was an absolute no-no!

I was also a bit worried about food as festival food isn't exactly known for it's culinary goodness, alas, I am pleasantly surprised! So many different food stuffs available and all registered with food standards (most importantly look clean!) so yesterday I enjoyed a 6pz pure beef burger (amazing, non of the normal processes crap) with rocket and gerkins with churros and chocolate sauce for afters...delicious!

Today's top bands are Fall Out Boy and Linkin Park playing their first album, Hybrid Theory, which I few up obsessed with from around the age of 14. Remember - no jumping!

Calling all mummies!

Did you have morning sickness? If so, when did it start?

At the minute my HUGE boobs and tiredness are my biggest signs that the little guy is in there, absolutely no m/s what-so-ever. I know ok only 5w1d, but I need to worry about something, right??

Obviously no m/s = no baby. Duh

Settle my crazy mind you lovely people

5 weeks

...the bloat is real

We did it!!

5w-1d

Today is 4w6d pregnant, but I'm so excited to reach a number that isn't 4 that I'm cheating and classing it as 5weeks - 1 day. Makes perfect sense right?!

As far as I'm aware I'm still pregnant :) cramping had continued on and off but no spotting or bleeding. Boobs are now the size of a small house and very painful. No sickness yet, but I know it's still so early. Having said that, as I'm laid in bed typing this I don't feel too great.

Today is the day that this littles ones cardiac contractions should start...that's both reassuring and terrifying.

It feels like a lifetime until our first ultrasound 8 days away and I'm starting to panic that we'll get there and they'll find it's all been a huge mix-up and there's nothing in there.

One more day

We've made it one more day.

Keep growing. Be healthy.

Goodnight.

Goodnight Ritual

For the past 5 nights when we've crawled into bed (at an unreasonably early hour as I'm exhausted by 9am and napping during the day) we've taken to looking at each other and saying "we've made it another day". Then Martin kisses my belly (or sometimes my pubic bone but I don't have the heart to tell him) and say "keep growing, be healthy". Only then will be go to sleep.

I have a long weekend this coming weekend as we're going to a music festival - yeah you read that right. In my defence the tickets were booked in November. I'm excited to go and it'll take my mind off of it for the weekend, I have an irrational fear that the music will somehow vibrate baby out, but apart from that I'm not too worried. We're there for 3 days but have a lovely hotel booked for each night, plan on going back when tired, getting a good nights sleep and breakfast before heading back to the festival site, we're going to drive in every day, stay at the back of the big crowds and sit in the sun and relax where possible.

Let's hope at 5w2d pregnant nausea doesn't decide to make an appearance! I don't really relish the thought of spending longer than needed in a festival toilet...

4w2d

With every single day that passes I feel a little calmer - athough I'm certainly not under the impressions we're even half way out of the woods.

Cramps are still here but fading some what, they're particularly bad on the evenings or when my bladder is full. Apart from that not much, boobs are any more painful than they were 5 days ago and no other glaring symptoms.

I feel good :)

4w1d preggo

Not much to report, just wanted to write that title ;)

Yesterday I resisted the urge to test and felt absolutely fine with it! So somewhere deep inside I must be calm.
More cramping last night so this little guy is definitely tunnelling in, hopefully for the long haul!

Slept like a log again last night. A solid 9 hours before the alarm went off this morning which feels so good!

I don't know if this is hormone/preggo related but I'm waking up STARVING every morning. Seriously, I want a fry up as soon as I get out of bed. Constipation has also jumped on for the journey - not fun!

We had to tell people who know about treatment last night that we were pregnant. It was terrifying. Everyone is ecstatic, but it makes is so nervous knowing people know. Apart from the people that I want to know I.e. People who read my blog!

2 weeks today til we get to see a little heart beating - I don't know how I'm going to hold on that long!

P.s. A request from me: unless we are friends (I.e. Text me, regularly comment on my blog etc...) can I please ask you don't mention our pregnancy and me by name in anything you write online. Blogs are surprisingly easy to find, and to be frank, it isn't your news or right to share it. Especially if we don't speak and at 4weeks pregnant we are no way set for the next 9 months. (Not my commenters, who's support I adore!)

Beta #1 is in

Went for the dreaded blood test this morning after last nights digi allowed me to have the best nights sleep in a long time.

When we arrived it was one of our favourite nurses, Julie, who called us through. She was there for both of our transfers so she knows us well/me intimately.

She asked if we had tested and said her congratulations, then explained that the magic number they like to see at 9dp5dt is 75+. If its 75 or below they request patients come back 2 days later to see if HCG is increasing, but if its 75+ they no longer request patients do another beta. The consultants at the clinic think it is unnecessary and caused un-needed stress, and a level of 75+ shows a great starting point with not much call for worry. Their research shows betas of 100+ have an 80% chance of becoming full-term, healthy pregnancies. SOOOOO if you get a beta of 75+ they book you in for your first scan at 6-7weeks to see whats going on and hopefully hear a heart beat.

Our is 94!!!!!

The first time I've cried is when I got off the phone from the clinic. The relief is unbelievable.

June 20th is our first scan.

This is absolutely surreal.

Someone tie me up

I know I shouldn't, but check out those gorgeous lines!

BFP 8.5dp5dt.

After drinking 2 litres of water and peeing every hour this afternoon. Did manage to hold for 3 hours before getting this.

Maybe I am pregnant

8dp5dt

7dp5dt = top
8dp5dt = bottom

(Sorry Jess, no Sharpie in the house! I plan on stealing one from work for future use)

Obviously this morning I wanted to see the darkest positive that ever was, but I'd say for a gap of 24hours between tests there is some progression. Agreed?

We've waited so very long to get here and now I'm petrified! I won't feel a little better until my beta tomorrow - as soon as I hear the nurse say "it's positive!" Over the phone I might start believing it a little more.

Symptom wise:

1) Cramps are still very much with me. A little more on and off than they were between 4-7dpt but every so often I get a good one that reminds me what's going on.
2) Boobs are bigger and heavier, but not as sore as I thought they would be. The type of soreness I am experiencing though is very different to any I've experienced before.
3) Thirst. Actually, I don't know if it's thirst or dry mouth (is there a difference?) but I'm drinking tons of water/squash and never getting enough.
4) Peeing. More to do with the thirst I should imagine, there's not enough going on down there to account for the hourly trips to the bathroom.
5) Hot!! So very warm constantly! Last night I fell asleep only to wake up an hour later feeling like my bed had been moved to the centre of the earth. Poor Martin spent the night in the guest bedroom as sleeping in a bed with him when I'm so hot is impossible.

That's about it. I'm numb. It doesn't feel like this is happening to me. I can't stop thinking about everything! One more day until beta and then I'm hoping some of this worry begins to fade, or at least gets replaced with a worry for first scan.

Cling on little one! You're causing me enough pain in there, you better be buried deep!!

7dp5dt

I'm just going to leave this here

My grey cloud is moving a little further away

6dp5dt

Cramps that started on 4dpt have been pretty much constant since then. Yesterday I got off the sofa and had a awful shooting pain to the right of my uterus. I keep panicking that it's AF gearing up to arrive but I keep convincing myself that if it was, after 2 days or cramps I'd be spotting by now, which I'm not.

Boob soreness is up to around a 5-6/10 and only on the undersides, bruised from the nipple downward (sounds like a really cheesy erotic book title).

Mixed emotions. Don't know what to think. I know I feel sick thinking about POAS but I don't know how much longer I can hold off!

5dp5dt

Did I POAS?

No, I'm being strong.

Yesterday was an awful awful day! Not just my miserable mood, but the car went for the MOT (yearly test needed to declare it's safe and fit to drive) and it passed, but I have two back tyres and rear brake discs to replace, not a cheap job! Then we went to IKEA and I was surrounded by heavily pregnant woman; seriously?! I get needing to shop for baby or nursery things, but they were everywhere! Kitchen section, living room section, picture frame area etc...but I did feel better after some meatballs.

Then that evening we came home to hang our new pictures above the fireplace, removed an old one, took out the picture hook holding it up and a lovely whoosh of gas followed it!

Great. So now we have a gas leak/hole in the fire flue which requires knocking a whole in the wall to fix, another quiet expensive job!

But...my cramps returning last night, dull aches with painful pulls every so often and I woke up this morning and they're still here. Seriously hoping it's not AF gearing up for an early arrival! Boobs about a 4/10 on the tender scale, nothing anyone but a crazy woman would pay attention to.

My dad and grandparents are coming over to dinner tonight and my Nanan and I ALWAYS share a bottle of wine over dinner. Need to think of some good excuses for not drinking without getting asked too much? (My dad knows about our IF but I haven't told him about this on going round of treatments. He gets upset and worries too much and without my Mum has nobody to really rely on, so I keep it quiet til we have news good or bad)