I did a good thing today!

I joined the Anthony Nolan bone marrow and blood platelet donor register. I send in a sample of my saliva so they can keep my biological information on file, then if someone is diagnosed with blood cancer and we're a match - I get a call and off I go to London to donate my platelets/marrow and it will be given to them on the hope of curing the cancer. Now I just got to wait to see if I'm a match to anyone. It feels good to do good things! You can also donate umbilical cord stem cells once you've given birth (like just after birth) and they are stored to provide a cure for a matching patient. Nifty. Apart from my good deed I'm doing good. We had a brilliant weekend away which is just what we needed to get refreshed and recovered from the past few weeks. AF kicked in fully on Saturday, it was one of the most painful AFs I've experienced. Enough for me to find a pharmacist to get some codeine to get me through the weekend. AF almost subsided now and I have my prescription to delay next AF so getting ready for FET at the start of April. I had my first acupuncture session yesterday lunchtime and I'm going to go once a week until treatment, I'm not 100% sold on the idea of acupuncture and fertility, but I do know that I felt so relaxed and calm after the session and slept SO well. That's enough of a reason for me to keep going! Smiley

:( edit: :)

Despite taking 400mg of progesterone daily - AF arrived tonight out of the blue (I believe) FET appointment is 26th March and we start the first AF after this. AF is now due 24th March. 24th March! We could potentially miss FET in March by a matter of 72hours. Edit: I didn't know that for certain prescription drugs, that aren't really medical as such, you can get an 'on-line prescription' for. I do now. Boots, a very reputable pharmacy in the UK will prescribe utovlan, a progesterone only pill designed to delay AF by 7-10 days for holidays, special events etc... Once you've had an online consultation with the pharmacist. Utovlan is perfectly safe, and within three days of stopping, progesterone levels fall and AF arrives as normal. Steph 1 NHS 0

How do we act now?

I'm out of hospital and back home, feeling much better and will be going back to work tomorrow and back to normal life as we know it. Getting up at 6am, arriving at the office at 8.30, working through lunch, coming home, meeting my husband with a kiss at the train station, eating tea then watching TV for a few hours before collapsing into bed and repeating the next day. But now we do all this with seven snowflakes being kept in a lab 35miles away just waiting...just sitting there. My babies (well, you know) just sitting there. I feel like I should have some sort of pass or special Tshirt to wear about my babies in the freezer. If I was 2 weeks pregnant people would gush and discuss how my body is changing and names and silly old wives tales...but when your embryos are fertilised and sitting in a hospital embryology lab, you don't get any special treatment. I feel like a mummy to these little snowflakes, but I'm not, or an I?! I don't know. This is a weird limbo that I've never thought about before.

Cat vomit update...

For those asking, it was Travis that got the vomit. Poor guy. He has a thing about following people to the bathroom, and is always my shadow when I go to pee,poop or shower. This time around he just happened to beat me to the bathroom, and although it was a direct hit, it certainly required some grooming time to get his beautiful white fur beautiful and white again....I hope he forgives me! Still in the hospital, unfortunately. Hoping to be discharged today. My bloods were abnormal yesterday and my fluid output was very low. I.e. I had 3litres of saline fluid but only peed 140ml (!) so to keep a closer eye on this I got to experience a new medical procedure yesterday, the urethral catheter. Despite every test, procedure and humiliating act I've had to go through for IF, I was not prepared for the pain and discomfort of a catheter. I HATE it! It feels like I have the worlds worst places tampon in. Yesterday I went to the bathroom whilst I had the catheter in (for the other process...) and as soon as I sat on the toilet my bladder did the usual 'relaxation' thing when you go to pee and it was absolute agony. Like I was trying to pee razor blades. Very rarely do I cry because of pain but I sobbed like a baby then. Apparently it's not normal for this to happen, but I just want to get this thing OUT!! If my bloods come back on today I can have all tubes removed and go home :). Home to my fillet steak and chocolate desserts which should have been valentines dinner yesterday. Diagnosis; I saw the gynaecologist yesterday who performed my egg collection. He thinks I only have a mild case of OHSS (as do I) and through sheer bad luck I also contracted some sort of virus of stomach bug which caused the vomiting and diarrhea. Put mild OHSS and a sickness bug together and dehydration goes through the roof, which can quickly lead to moderate/severe OHSS, hence the huge hospital monitoring. I'll just be happy to go home! New furniture for our house being delivered tomorrow, which I'm very excited for! P.s. I am writing my blog using paragraphs, but for some reason when I update from my phone all grammar gets removed as soon as I press publish?!?

All expenses paid trip, with private en suite and view overlooking the city

Happy Valentines!! Guess where I am on this, the most romantic day of the year?? In my bed on the gynaecology ward of the hospital... The titles correct though, I DO have a private room and I'm 7 floors up so can see a lot of the city. My nausea took on a whole new life yesterday and became vomiting and feeling like death. For the first time in my adult life I didn't make it to the toilet. The poor bathroom floor, and the cat, we're sadly vomited on. Sigh. Called the clinic and they asked me to go straight to the hospital, I feel a bit of a fraud, I do feel very crappy and my ovaries are very sore, but I'm not showing any characteristics of severe OHSS. In for careful monitoring of my fluids and regular measuring of my tummy. How romantic!

Transfer day

Or at least it should be. Instead I'm at home watching the Winter Olympics. Who comes up with some of these sports?! Throwing yourself, head first, down an ice tunnel with your face inches away from the ground, travelling at a billion miles an hour?! What's wrong with tennis, or swimming? The embryologist called this morning, but Martin answered the phone. 3 of our remaining embies made it to blast, which is great! All I know is that they're not top quality, but they are good to freeze, which I assume means they're good quality. Obviously, I'm a little devastated they're not top quality, but need to ask the embryologist more questions when I go in to the hospital tomorrow. I know grading is subjective but everything has been so up in the air the past week that nobody has ever sat us down and talked through it with us. She said perfect grade embryos have an 80% chance of surviving the thaw, and she thinks ours have a 70-80% chance. Not that that makes any more sense to me. So 4 top grade day 3 embies in the freezer, 3 good grade blasts joining them today and we have 3 slow-pokes who weren't doing so well at day 2, who were left to their own devices and will be checked tomorrow. They may have all arrested, but some may have caught up enough to freeze.

Since egg collection is gradually felt worse and worse everyday. Nausea started two evenings ago on and off, yesterday it was more apparent and today it's constant. I'm less bloated than I was but in more pain, laying on my side is difficult. My bloods show my hydration levels are normal, but yesterday my liver function tests jumped from 33 (top of normal) to 274! So they're worried about that one! Other than that I've hatched an evil plan to try and bring FER (frozen embryo replacement as my clinic call it) forward slightly. AF in March would be due around 20th, with our FER appointment on 26th, meaning we couldn't start treatment until end of April....so I figured if carry on taking my progesterone for just a little while longer, long enough to delay it so AF is due early April shaving a good 3-4 weeks off our wait. Very naughty, but I think we deserve to tweak the rules a little.

so close...

So close and yet so far. My bloods are improving, but embryology have decided they want to do a freeze all. They're going to leave our four remaining embies until day 5 and see how many blasts we have, then freeze them. In the meantime I have to travel 35 miles at 6.45 every morning for a blood tests. Doesn't feel like there is any point anymore. I'm not dying, I know what to look out for, you're freezing my babies, so why the daily bloods?! Urgh. I was expecting it, but currently heart broken and pissed off with the world. I just hope our babies make it through the thaw :( Edit: first FET appointment we can get is 26th March and we start the cycle after that. Since they've told me to expect AF I'm around 5-10 days from now, my next AF will be around mid-march...so we'll actually be looking at starting mid to late April, which means we could potentially not get to do our FET until MAY. So fucking sick of this

I'm becoming increasingly convinced my life is the Truman show

As requested, we attending the clinic for more repeat blood tests this morning. Although we were fourth in the queue (and that was arriving at 7.30am, 30 minutes before the clinic opened) they took us into the nurses room almost straight away. It turns out my blood wasn't just a little bit thick, it came back as so dehydrated they've given me sexy anti-embolism stockings to wear all week and are keeping a close eye on todays results. My blood was taken and we had a chat with the nurse (we love the nurses) who asked me if I was off work and to not to any heavy lifting, quick movements or cleaning as I'm at risk of 'twisting an ovary' (ouch!). After bloods were taken we then saw the consultant, who I'd never seen before but was also very pleasant. He wanted to scan my tummy so he could see what was going on. First he tried to have a feel of my abdomen, but I couldn't stand him pushing on me because of the tenderness, so we went straight to the ultrasound. My ovaries are currently the size of melons (I'd go with honeydew, not water) and sitting under my ribs...which points towards moderate to severe OHSS. However, I don't have any fluid collecting in my abdomen which should accompany this. So it's a bit of a head scratcher. My bloods are showing moderate/severe OHSS, but I'm drinking, my wee is clear and high in volume, but my ovaries just carry on growing. Apart from bloating and very tender abdomen I feel fine....?! They've signed me off work for the next 7 days anyway, which I was also quite surprised about as I was planning on going in tomorrow. The doctor wants to look at my bloods from today and explained that currently for some reason all the fluid i'm drinking is just not getting into my actual blood and tissue, but it's not collecting either...so who knows where it's going. If my results don't show a marked improvement today I will be admitted to hospital for 24hours on IV fluids. We then had to wait to see embryology. My little babies are still growing well, we still have 8 top grade embies with another 3 still dividing at a slower rate. Because of the number we have, they recommended that they take 4 of the top grade embies and freeze them today, leaving the other 4 dividing until they know more about my health. If my bloods come back OK, there is still the possibility for fresh ET on Thursday, if they don't they think they'll take the other 4 until day 5 and then freeze them. That would leave us with four day 3 frosties and 4 day 5 frosties for our FET next month. Deep down I think we're going down the path of FET, I'm ok with that today. I want my body to be the best possible environment for that little one when it gets put back into me, if that means waiting 3-4 more weeks than so be it. On out way home from the hospital it started snowing, the first snow we've had this year. First snow on the day we're freezing our babies...I don't usually look for symbolism in anything but this made me smile. I may be writing my next entry from my hospital bed.

Stupid body!

Physically, I feel fine. Honestly. I feel like I've been kicked by a horse in the ovary region, but no nausea or general feelings of unwell-ness. In the past week I've drank at least 3 litres of water and isotonic drinks to keep hydrated. Peeing at least once-twice an hour! So imagine my heartbreak when my blood test results come back and show severe dehydration. Not a little bit, severe! I've either got some weird and wonderful disease, my blood test was a due, or OHSS is kicking in. Fucker. Another tests tomorrow but if my bloods don't come back OK it will be a freeze all and FET next cycle. I know I shouldn't be upset by this, it's only a matter of weeks, but I am. Work are being fantastic, I've taken today off because I am sore and didn't fancy the commute there and back, I emailed my manager and she said to take care and don't worry about work, my health and emotional well being is much more important. I could go in tomorrow but I don't know if I fancy being in a full office when/if I'm told they're going to freeze my little embies :( Body, you actually suck!

embie update

Had an early morning call from the lab this morning with news on our little embies. We sadly lost one over night, but we have 11 embryos that are dividing away and 8 of those are currently top quality. What a huge relief. I went for my OHSS check up this morning, a whole blood screen to see whats going on. I am a little more tender today than I was yesterday and reaching for the paracetamol more often. But I haven't gained any weight and I'm still peeing up a storm so fingers crossed my bloods will show this. If my bloods come back OK we'll be going for a 5 day transfer on Thursday, if something in my bloods is off we'll do a freeze all and FET next month. Watch this space I guess.

Drum roll.....

12 fertilised eggs

Egg collection

If there's a hard way to do something, that's how we'll do it! Arrived at the hospital at 7.30am and was immediately taken to our room, which was really nice. We watched a bit of the Winter Olympics while I had my cannula put in and IV paracetamol administered. It was one of the longest waits ever as I was terrified. Finally at 10.30am we were called through to the operating theatre. I was given fentanyl and gas and air and the nurses turned the screen so I could see what was going on. I can't fault the nurses at all, they were amazing, telling me when to use the has and air and chatting. The doctor was happy with my ovaries, and said I was an egg making machine. The collection itself was ok pain wise, more discomfort than anything but no real pain. Then we got to my right ovary, which is actually sitting on top of my left. The needle had to be repositioned a few times and the nurse had to push down on my abdomen so the doctor could get to the follicles, that was the painful part. All the way through the embryologist was shouting "we've got an egg..." Through a little hatch. In total we had 18 eggs collected, which I'm so pleased with! The doctor left a few of the less mature follicles where they were because they weren't needed. Afterwards was when the pain started, I have to say I think I was one of the unlucky ones. I was crying it hurt so much. I was given one dose of codeine, which did nothing, so 30mins later I was given another. They said if that didn't work they would call for the doctor. Luckily it did, the pain is now manageable but discomfort is quite high. I'm actually sat in the car now waiting to go home, hoping our 18 eggies are fighting for and doing what they should be. Very long wait until 8am tomorrow when we hear how many have fertilised.... Apologies for any mistakes in this..I'm a little bit away with the fairies still. COME ON EGGIES!!!

Jeez Louise

12 hours post trigger and 24 hours before egg collection. I often walk around the house in my underwear when I'm alone, nothing wrong with that. There is a huge mirror in our bedroom that sits across from the door so you can see yourself when you walk in. Today I walked from the bathroom to the bedroom to get dressed, and audibly gasped to myself at the size of my tummy.

This may be the only time in my life I actually look pregnant. So far no pain, no nausea, no weight gain (in fact, according to my scales I've slightly lost weight) and generally feeling good. Drinking lots of isotonic water (Thanks KK!) and eating lots of protein to try and keep OHSS at bay.

23 hours until egg collection

I've woken up 3 months pregnanct. Trigger at 10.45 last night and went straight to bed. Luckily I'm off work today, but poor Martin still had to get up at 6am to drag himself off to the office. I thought I was bloated the last few days, but that was nothing compared to today. I'm struggling to find comfortable clothes. Thankfully, there's no pain, nausea or anything else slightly OHSS - fingers crossed! There is slight tenderness but nothing too bad. Still 23 hours to go so really hoping me and my body can work together to stop any form of OHSS so we can do a straight forward, fresh cycle. Please please please please

Results are in...

My oestrogen levels are in the normal range! So far no planned freeze and IVF to go ahead as planned. Obviously not all of the 40 follicles were mature, think I glanced at around 10 she had logged on the screen as being 18mm+. Hopefully the small ones will wither away and leave the juicy ones. Trigger at 10.45pm this evening (way past my bed time!) and go in for egg collection at 8am Saturday morning for my procedure at 10.45am. I'm terrified. My doctor on Saturday is Dr.Skull which cheered me up.... Send me luck!!!

"....it's 50/50 at the minute"

...is not what you want to hear a nurse say when she's got a dildo cam up you. Well, scan this morning after 7 days of stims and I have 40+ follicles. Forty. Not a typing error. I'm at very high risk of OHSS so it all depends on my bloods this afternoon. If my estrogen levels come back too high they will do egg collection on Saturday, freeze the embryos and then transfer next month. If my oestrogen is in the safe range we'll proceed as usual. Long 5 hour wait until that decision! Whatever happens I'll be having egg collection on Saturday.

IVF day 6

Urgh, feeling pretty crappy today. Second day of certrotide to prevent ovulation. My ovaries feel like balloons that are about to pop. Bloated to the max, killer headaches and general nauseous feeling throughout the day. Absolutely exhausted as well. Lucky I have a god send of a husband who is going to cook my tea so I can get in my pyjamas when I get home and relax.

IVF Day 5

I think it's safe to say I've been relatively quiet this time round with treatment. No particular reason, think I'm trying to inject then push it to the back of my mind so I don't dwell on it. Work is keeping me busy and no huge news as of yet. Day 1-5 of gonal-f was fine, have a tummy is now covered with lots of tiny red dots where the injection sites are, but no bruising which is nice. Seem to be developing late morning/early afternoon blinding headaches this time around, I'm quite happy to take paracetamol to cope with these so no huge problem. First morning of cetrotide injection this morning to repress ovulation, this is where i start to get sore around the ovary region. I HARE the cetrotide injection, mixing the solution up at 6am when I'm barely awake is always a struggle, the needle they give you is much bigger than the one used for Gonal-F and it hurts. So I'm not loving this stage. Scan on Thursday to see how my eggs are getting on, this is where everything went wrong last time round. It's brand new territory after Thursday. Next big challenge? Egg Collection.