Hello second trimester (....depending on where you look)

12 weeks today!

Two pregnancy apps congratulated me on being in the second trimester and the other told me I was in the last week of my first trimester. Whether it's first or second we reached 12 weeks which I class as a cause for celebration.

We had out NT scan yesterday, this little wriggly bmi wouldn't keep still and it took the ultrasound lady an age to actually pin point the fold. I had to roll over to get him/her to move and then everytime she put the wand on my belly he/she rolled over. She then made me go and empty my bladder to see of that helped, well it didn't, and when we got back baby was now facing us...eventually she pinned them down long enough to get a measurement which is 1.2mm. We were told that was well below the 'risk range' of 3mm, but as we had the combined test we have to wait until they've for the blood results for a real result. I'm not too worried though I have to admit.

In 4 days baby Briggs had grown a full centimetre and looks different already!

Two little hands in front of their face.

Belly is definitely growing...but I'm still in the awkward pregnant or fat stage. Going to a school friends wedding tomorrow night and have just had to buy a brand new maternity dress for the occasion. Why are all maternity clothes so frumpy?!

11w1d

...and I have a new love

Everything looked fine. Baby's heart was beating away and wiggling their arms and legs for is to see, they even did a little jump when the ultrasound prove was pushed on a little harder.

Measuring 11+5 and ultrasound tech says we can now take a huge sigh of relief. I know we're never 100% in the clear but I feel more confident.

They also told me our dating scan was on the system and is next Wednesday, so we only have to wait 4 days before seeing them again.

Thank you for everyone who text and sent messages, I'm sorry I haven't managed to reply to them all. I've been feeling so poorly and had so many messages coming through I just haven't had time to respond. But I do appreciate them all!

Yikes - 21 hour countdown

I'm one of those people who never likes to bother doctors with anything because I'm sure I'm wasting their time and they'll think I'm silly.

Well this morning I had a moment of bravery and called the early pregnancy unit to express my worries about my recent fever and diminishing pregnancy symptoms - I was expecting them to laugh at me and tell me to stop worrying. Nope, scheduled in for an ultrasound at 9am tomorrow to check everything is OK.

Equal parts nervous and terrified.

Being sick and pregnant sucks

Without sounding too dramatic, at the minute I feel sicker than I have done in a very long time, including my gallbladder saga.

I don't mean pregnant sick either, at 11 weeks my morning sickness has actually eased up and I'm feeling pretty good. My boobs have also stopped hurting so much (OK, I admit I have spent hours panicking a googling) but I've been told this is normal when moving towards the second trimester. It appears we're in the awful period between first trimester symptoms settling and second trimester movements beginning - and it could still be another 2-3 weeks until our scan date. I sense a few nervous days coming up..

Anyway, on Sunday I started feeling a little under the weather and figured I was coming down with a cold, my chest was scratchy and my nose was runny, I felt worse Monday morning so had a sick day from work to try and recover. I spent most the day with tissues stuffed up my nose and feeling a little sorry for myself but I did OK. Tuesday I woke up and, to my surprise, didn't feel better, actually I felt worse. Achy muscles, head ache etc... Which gradually got worse and worse during the day rendering me completely useless on the sofa. At this stage I decided to take paracetamol to try and ease some discomfort. Then yesterday happened. It started off OK, I woke up coughing and sneezing with severe sinus pain so self diagnosed with sinusitus/sinus infection - I know these are common in pregnancy so I just had to suck it up. I was drinking plenty fluids and taking paracetamol but my temperature just kept rising - when it jumped from 98.2 to 99.5 in an hour Martin called the midwife to see what she recommended, she was very reassuring and said it was nothing to do with the pregnancy given my other symptoms and I was fine to carry on taking paracetamol and drinking plenty of fluids, our only job was to keep my temperature down.

Last night was one of the worst nights ever - even with a fan on in the room and ice cubes on my head my temperature quickly jumped to 100.9 and at this point the thermometer tells you something is wrong. I could sleep, I couldn't get comfortable, my head hurts, my arms hurt, and when I do fall asleep I kept having those horrible sick-dreams - you know the ones where you keep going round and round in crocked and not getting anywhere and waking up confused and burning up.

I stayed awake from 3.20-7.20 trying to cool down and finally drifted off a few hours ago. I woke up and my temp has dropped to 98.9 which is great but I feel dreadful. Absolutely no energy and can barely lift my head off the pillow. The doctors say there's not much they can give a pregnant woman for sinusitus so keep taking paracetamol and fluids and sleep it off as much as I can. Great. So as well as my constantly stinging nostrils and blood I keep sneezing I've got to try and fit in as much sleep as I can.

Little one you're super powers better kick in soon and make me better!

Mummies - how do you do it??

So last night at 10w4d we decided that we were starting to feel safe enough to begin thinking about money when I'm on maternity leave. I wish I hadn't as I've now been awake since 5am worrying about how we're going to manage!

In the UK we are fairly lucky, if my limited knowledge of maternity leave elsewhere is correct that is) I am entitled to a full 52 weeks leave, as well as being eligible for statutory maternity pay my employer also has a generous maternity benefit scheme on top. There are two different ways I can receive payment during ML;

1) 8 weeks at 100% salary and then 16 weeks half pay + SMP on top followed by 15 weeks SMP and finished off with 13 weeks unpaid.

2) 16 weeks at 50% salary with SMP on top, 23 weeks SMP then 13 weeks unpaid.

My current salary is around £460 a week, not a huge amount but it's comfortable to live on. Statutory maternity pay is £138.18 a week...that gives us over a £300 short fall PER WEEK when I'm off work with the little one. Cue panic mood. Martin earns roughly the same, we're not by any means rich but we make ends meet and manage to have a little left over every month for some luxuries like meals out, new clothes etc...but with over a 10,000 cut in my salary next year I don't know how we're going to manage. I've already resigned myself to the fact that I can't afford to take a whole year off with baby Briggs and will have to return to work earlier than I'd hopes to get some money coming back in. The lovely UK government have deemed Martin and I to be earning too much money to be eligible for any extra benefits what so ever, so no help there. We're saving what we can now so we have a little pot of money to help, but I don't know how people do it??? We will struggle a lot with this cut in wages but my company salary pay is an added extra, some woman only get SMP. How do they do it? They must be super heros or something.

So my questions to you, mummies around the world, how did you make ends meet when little one arrived? Did you save before hand, suck it up and just 'cope' or do you know some secret tips to keep me with some money in 7 months time??

In other news - we met with the midwife last Thursday. She was nice...but I wouldn't go to her for a reassuring hug if I needed it. I told her I was worried because I didn't 'feel' pregnant really, and although she said that was common and she wouldn't worry, that we should also keep a little in reserve to prepare for bad news as she can't guarantee everything will be ok. I know she can't give false hope, but that didn't help. I filled in lots of paper work and had my blood drawn and that was about it. I was hoping I'd get to hear babies heart beat at least but nada. We should have the appointment date through for our 'dating' scan this week, all we know is it's between 11-14 weeks and we're 11 weeks on Thursday so shouldn't be too much waiting.

She finished the appointment by giving us our medical exemption form for free prescriptions and dental treatment during pregnancy - but followed this up with "send it off after your first scan when you know everything's OK". This also didn't help to settle my worries.

My sore boobs are easing up but I'm trying not to worry as I know this can be common after 9-10 weeks when the placenta begins forming. Sickness is still on and off if I've not eaten and for the past few days I've just felt generally crappy.

This morning I've woken up with a sore throat and a cough as well as my usual head ache and nausea, aren't I a lucky lady. I've had to admit defeat and take a sick day at work - I hate taking sick days!

10 days until 12 weeks and I'll feel much better.

How is the first trimester over already?!

9w4d

Before I start I just need to clarify that I type these on my iPhone which inevitably autocorrects random words when it feel like it - I've noticed a few weird and wonderful spelling and word mistakes dotted throughout my recent posts. Trusty iPhone!

The 9w4d bloat

(Some people may think it's weird I share these but this is my online journal and I like to look back...)

I'm under absolutely NO illusion that this is in any way shape or form baby, it's all bloat and my usual fat pouch being pushed higher. It's causing me problems with clothes though! I can feel where my uterus is now which is new for week 9. There's a small hard ball just peeking above my pubic bone where the little guy is hiding - if you look REALLY closely at the photo you can see the tiniest little bit of 'bump' (I use the term loosely) just at the highest lacey part of my underwear - that's baby. So tiny and unnoticeable. My fat is definitely being pushed a little higher and out by moving internal bits and pieces, again only something I've noticed recently but my surgery scar on the inside of my belly button is now visible to me - I've never seen this before.

I feel calmer this week and not so panicky. Still only mild nausea in the mornings now I've changed my prenatal time, fatigue is very much with me as are the bright blue veins running through my girls. Breast pain has changed from a very tended bruised feeling to a much deeper painful feeling. Giving them a poke used to be bearable and give the same results as poking a bruise, now if they are poked the pain lasts around 20 seconds and spreads throughout the whole boob. Constipation is here to stay and not my friend and so is constipation a close friend, gas. It's a good job I've already netted my husband, my bodily functions recently have been horrendous!

Weird craving seeping in...Chinese chicken was my latest and salted peanuts. After regularly eating scrambled eggs for breakfast I now can't stand the thought of the slimy shelled bastards sitting in the fridge.

We finally have our first midwives appointment in Thursday. No scans or anything to get excited about but the usual bloods and paper work as well as finalising where we want baby Briggs to be born. All getting a little surreal now. 80% of the way through the first trimester - at the end of the month we'll be into the second. Where is the time going?! We've even been brave enough to sit down and seriously discuss names.

I think the NHS have a vendetta against me...

I had a weird phone call from an unknown number while I was sat at my desk today but picked it up hoping it would be the midwife. It wasn't. It was the receptionist from the GP surgery who confirmed my name and then said "Are you under the care of a midwife?" I said "no, but you sent a referral off for me last week and I haven't heard anything. When will they be in touch?" She put me on hold and then came back with "oh they don't normally get in touch until around 6-7 weeks" I was confused but was surrounded by colleagues who don't know about the pregnancy so couldn't really talk so I couldn't push it. I hung up the phone and called her back when I went for my lunch.

Well, I explained that I am 9 weeks tomorrow and so far I have no midwife of any antenatal care to speak of, the receptionist told me I wouldn't need an appointment until 12 weeks. Idiot. I then explained that I understood the first SCAN was at 12 weeks, but I needed to be under the care of a midwife before that and be 'checked in' to a maternity centre of a hospital, which hadn't happened.

After a few telephone calls backwards and forwards it transpires that the reason I haven't heard from the midwife is being the useless dippy bint of a receptionist last week didn't send my referral form to the midwife at all, so they had absolutely no idea I existed.

That's now our IVF referral, my gallbladder surgery referral and now this that have all not been sent first time.

I foresee this being a long a gruelling 9 months..

In other news private scan isn't booked as we can't get one which works around our work schedules. Martin has started a new job and can't take time off at short notice so I'm just going to have to sit tight until the NHS decide to treat me to a peek inside. Until then I'll try and believe I'm one of the lucky ones who has a completely straight forward pregnancy with no bad bits. There's a few of these mystical creatures on the interweb!

9 week panic

Well 8w6d but I'm rounding up for the sake of a few hours.

I've always said I've only had bearable symptoms, I had three days of vomiting but then I switched to takings prenatals in the evening and the vomiting has stopped. I still feel a little quest first thing before I eat but nothing too bad. My one main symptom all the way through are the monster breasts which were painful and grew 2 cup sizes since we got our BFP.

Well yesterday my sore boobs disappeared into thin air. I feel fine. Hence huge panic and being awake from 4.45am this morning trying not to worry.

We still haven't heard anything from the midwife about our checking in appointment (seriously, gotta love the NHS) so no idea when our first 'official' scan will be. I have, however, found a private scanning place close to work which performs "early anything reassurance scans" for a small (£50!) fee.

I sense an appointment being made with them as soon as they open at 8am.

Is this actually happening?!!

Took this photo last night to add to our 'baby book'. Obviously, this is Daddy talking to the little one before we head to sleep.

I just spent the past 3-4 minutes simply trying to take this photo in.

There isn't enough room in my heart to store this

Wowzers

Since we gained our BFP we were both a little apprehensive of jumping back into bed. Martin was convinced he would "poke him/her out" (I did inform him that a) well doesn't he think highly of himself! And b) not remotely possible) I was concerned as I know sex in the first trimester can cause cramps which would make me worry more than anything.

I got to the researching and found that we're not a high risk pregnancy being 90% natural apart from the actual conceiving part, I'm not on any medication or pessaries which make the general area undesirable so there was no real medical reason why we can't have sex...

Sex while pregnant = my new absolute favorite thing. It almost makes up for the nausea and monster boobs. Let's add bigger, better 'O' to the 'pro' list of pregnancy!

Pregnancy and me

At I only 8 weeks pregnant I am by no means an expert, but my relationship with pregnancy so far has been a good one. Although I've learned some strange things about myself.

Today the nausea is about a 6/10, and this is one of the worst days. I think I've been quite lucky on the morning sickness front. First thing in a morning my stomach is growling in hunget and I feel nauseous, often I dry heave but obviously there's nothing in my stomach so no actual vomiting. Once I've eaten something the nausea tends to disappear or become extremely mild. Hunget now strikes quickly and I can go from completely full and wanting no food what-so-ever to dry heaving and a growling stomach in around 30minutes.

My odd pregnancy fact - between 11.30am-11.40am WITHOUT FAIL I get nauseous. Weird huh? Yesterday at 11.35am I had a sudden wave of dizziness and nausea in the kitchen. I picked up the nearest bottle of lemonade to help settle my stomach then promptly proceeded to throw up said lemonade into the kitchen sink. I then felt 100% normal...

I'd say 80% of my time is spent feeling absolutely normal, in fact it would be easy to forget I'm actually pregnant. 20% of it is spent yawning and drinking ginger ale to settle my stomach, which reminds me something's going on. It comes and goes so quickly I can nearly register it's happening!

Boobs are still very tender and no bras fit comfortably. I'm usually a 34DD and yesterday I splashed out on a new 36E bra to help contain the monsters. Too small :( I'm going to cope with what i have until I can go and get measured for a bra in a few weeks. These girls cannot be contained!

My current anxiety is telling people about our pregnancy. Not friends and family, of whom only the closest know, but medical professionals. Informing medical professionals terrifies me and I don't know why. On Monday I completed my self referral to the midwife detailing which hospital we wanted to use and I almost had a panic attack at the GPs office while doing it. I didn't sleep at all the night before because for some reason I was just petrified of taking the next big step! Like seeing a midwife will make the pregnancy disappear?!

Yesterday I had my dental check up and had to inform the dentist of my pregnancy as I was due to have some routine x-rays done after an extraction. He cancelled the x-rays and informed me that he wanted to replace one of my old fillings with a new one but "...drilling the old one will release mercury which can be bad for the baby. We'll wait until baby is born before we do any dental work on you" again, I almost had a panic attack and felt like shouting "whoa whoa whoa back up! I've not even had my 12 weeks scan yet!"

I am so excited to finally be going through this, but clearly subconsciously I've convinced myself something is going to go wrong. I need to snap out of it. One minute I'm searching for cots and maternity clothes and the next I'm google "chances of missed miscarriage" or "does nomirning sickness mean unhealthy pregnancy?" It's even worse than my FET bi-polar!

I bought a new dress on Monday, a frigging maternity dress!! I know I know, at 8 weeks there is NO bump to accommodate but I saw it, liked it and tried it on and it doesn't even look likes maternity dress. It's elasticated under the boobs and just falls naturally so I can start wearing it straight away. So I'll buy maternity clothes but loose sleep over telling my own doctor. Mad woman!

Edit: 28 days until Trimester number 2!!!