Week 2 in my new job and I have never been so busy.
I haven't had one lunch break this week, yesterday I went from 6.50am until 6.30pm without good, drink or a wee. But I'm really enjoying it!!!
I have SO many new responsibilities that I have to learn from scratch (looking after a £20000 budget, paying tutors, hiring clinicians as tutors, looking after tutors, organising the world etc...) and I'm absolutely convinced they're going to sack me got not being as good as my predecessor, but I processed my first set of successful payments today and had a lot more communications with students so I feel a little happier.
So far I haven't met one person who isn't so very nice. Honestly. As it's a medical school most of the people I work with are also fully practising doctors/gynaecologists/surgeons/GPs/anaesthetists and they are the loveliest and friendliest people I have ever met whilst working in education, and in my eyes they are the only ones I've worked with who would have the right of acting a little 'above' others. I spent a few hours in a meeting with 10 clinicians yesterday and in between laughing and joking about baking and drinking they were taking calls and talking about patients and treatment plans and this medication and that medication and I felt like the STUPIDEST person in the world!
Happy. Exhausted. Content.
Thursday 28 November 2013
Sunday 24 November 2013
Now it haunts my dreams?!
It's been a while since I had a nightmare (if that's what you would call this) but I woke up from one this morning.
It was the 10 days of injections leading up to egg collection for IVF, and I had been doing my injections, having bloods taken etc...and arrived at the clinic for my final scan to see how many we had. After waiting for a while I received a text saying "sorry, you're treatment cycle for the month of February has been cancelled. Please call at reception to re-arrange". I ran to reception and one of the ladies told me it was cancelled because I arrived at 8.32 and not 8.30 so they would treat me. I was then handed a peice of paper that said we had 17 eggs and 2 embryos (good logic there dream Steph?!) and they would be put in the bin and as this was my second cancelled cycle we were now not eligible for treatment.
The rest of my dream was that awful feeling of trying to do something but you can't, you know? Usually in these situations I'm running and keep falling over, well in this instance I was flicking throughy my clinic contacts to find my doctors number, but when I did I couldn't read it, like I was badly drunk.
I feel a bit out of it now. Maybe the IVF process IS playing on my mind more than I thought?
So ready for 2014 - I've already mentioned that if two IVF cycles fail that's it for us, we're stopping TTC completely and moving onto travel and adoption. We have to set a point, with unexplained we could be doing this for the next 15 years and still never have a child or know why. We need to protect our mental health,. So by June 2014 we'll know what route out lives are going to take a little more.
My first week of work went really well, but so much to learn. I have 3 assisstants who are all much older than me and I feel really weird about it. They're all so nice though I can't complain. I'm not sure what my mental well being status is currently, still working on it. Christmas is always tough for a variety of reasons, so the next month will allow me to see if any of my treatment methods are working.
My counsellor has given me this mantra I have to say, read and believe,
"If I have children my life will be able to take the path I had planned, but if I don't that's still OK. Life has more than one path,"
I can read it and say it, believing it is another matter!
It was the 10 days of injections leading up to egg collection for IVF, and I had been doing my injections, having bloods taken etc...and arrived at the clinic for my final scan to see how many we had. After waiting for a while I received a text saying "sorry, you're treatment cycle for the month of February has been cancelled. Please call at reception to re-arrange". I ran to reception and one of the ladies told me it was cancelled because I arrived at 8.32 and not 8.30 so they would treat me. I was then handed a peice of paper that said we had 17 eggs and 2 embryos (good logic there dream Steph?!) and they would be put in the bin and as this was my second cancelled cycle we were now not eligible for treatment.
The rest of my dream was that awful feeling of trying to do something but you can't, you know? Usually in these situations I'm running and keep falling over, well in this instance I was flicking throughy my clinic contacts to find my doctors number, but when I did I couldn't read it, like I was badly drunk.
I feel a bit out of it now. Maybe the IVF process IS playing on my mind more than I thought?
So ready for 2014 - I've already mentioned that if two IVF cycles fail that's it for us, we're stopping TTC completely and moving onto travel and adoption. We have to set a point, with unexplained we could be doing this for the next 15 years and still never have a child or know why. We need to protect our mental health,. So by June 2014 we'll know what route out lives are going to take a little more.
My first week of work went really well, but so much to learn. I have 3 assisstants who are all much older than me and I feel really weird about it. They're all so nice though I can't complain. I'm not sure what my mental well being status is currently, still working on it. Christmas is always tough for a variety of reasons, so the next month will allow me to see if any of my treatment methods are working.
My counsellor has given me this mantra I have to say, read and believe,
"If I have children my life will be able to take the path I had planned, but if I don't that's still OK. Life has more than one path,"
I can read it and say it, believing it is another matter!
Sunday 17 November 2013
Excitement!
My new job starts tomorrow, I'm so excited nervous it's like I'm going on holiday! I have 3 weeks of meetings to get my head around the conference at the start of December. That's a little terrifying!
In other news Martin has an interview for a position at the university ACROSS THE ROAD from my campus working in the finance division. Obviously, he might not get the job, but if he does it's a £5000 a year salary increase and we can travel in and from work together meaning our travel costs will be slashed. Given 2013, I think it's about time we had some good luck!
In other news, welcome to the world Cora-Jane Ellen Williams!! When you're old enough your Mummy can explain to you how someone hundreds of miles away sobbed buckets when you were born. You are loved beyond words and give hope <3
I need more Post-IF births!! I never EVER thought I could look at a baby photo and fill with pride unless it was mine, alas I was wrong! A 'normal' birth and I'll steer well clear, but show me a LTTTC-er and their newborn and I could not be more proud if I tried!
Edit: Jesus Christ woman stop writing post from your phone early in a morning, your grammar and spelling is becoming unforgivable!
In other news Martin has an interview for a position at the university ACROSS THE ROAD from my campus working in the finance division. Obviously, he might not get the job, but if he does it's a £5000 a year salary increase and we can travel in and from work together meaning our travel costs will be slashed. Given 2013, I think it's about time we had some good luck!
In other news, welcome to the world Cora-Jane Ellen Williams!! When you're old enough your Mummy can explain to you how someone hundreds of miles away sobbed buckets when you were born. You are loved beyond words and give hope <3
I need more Post-IF births!! I never EVER thought I could look at a baby photo and fill with pride unless it was mine, alas I was wrong! A 'normal' birth and I'll steer well clear, but show me a LTTTC-er and their newborn and I could not be more proud if I tried!
Edit: Jesus Christ woman stop writing post from your phone early in a morning, your grammar and spelling is becoming unforgivable!
Thursday 14 November 2013
Positivity is practically oozing from my pores...
Yep, still me.
I suppose a mixture of counselling, drugs, lifestyle changes, relationship changes etc...have all amounted to life seeming a little bit better. Compared to 2 months ago I am practically a unicorn on acid walking around the house.
I was at the hospital yesterday to arrange the surgery to have my two retained roots removed after the nightmare tooth extraction. I completed all the paperwork with the nurse and was booked in for 9am on Friday 13th December, and was just asked to wait 10minutes to meet the anaesthetist so they could check my veins. 45 minutes later a doctor approached me in the waiting room and asked if I would follow her into one of the consultation rooms. She had spotted my x-ray on the computer screen, and in her opinion the two roots didn't need to be removed at all, and infact they were structurally, better left in my jaw to keep everything 'straight'. She said there was a slight shadow under one of my roots which she feared was an infection, but agreed that if I had another x-ray and it all looked good no surgery was needed.
Well yesterdays x-ray still showed shadowing, which sadly, means they have to monitor them regularly to see if/when they need to be removed. She said it was 'infection' but discharged me from the hospital and asked me to request x-rays from my own dentist every 6 months and he would keep an eye on it. Surely it can't be THAT serious then, right? Plus, 3 weeks ago I was on a strict regime of 3 different IV antibiotics every 3 hours for 3 days, including metronidozole which is the one my dentist prescribed me post extraction horro. If it WAS an infection, wouldn't it have either a)gone or b) grown since its now 6 months since any tests? Who am I to judge, I am certainly no doctor!
Speaking of doctors I start my new job on Monday. Argh! I spoke with my manager yesterday to organise my first day and the first few weeks, and I was informed that I shouldn't plan to do anything on the 4th or 5th of December as I will be chairing a national student support conference....Great. Sure. That gives me LOADS of time to prepare....
Anyway in prep I bought some grown up 'power clothes' and heels especially for the new job. I'm so fancy now.
I'm currently in complete and utter emotional turmoil and have had approximately 3 hours sleep after a wonderful friend told me that something she had been dreaming for and working towards for so long was finally on the cusp of happening. Normally I wouldn't be so emotionally invested in such an activity, but I've learnt the hard way that there are too many fair-weather friends around, and she certainly isn't one of them. She's been my rock, and I couldn't be prouder. <3
I suppose a mixture of counselling, drugs, lifestyle changes, relationship changes etc...have all amounted to life seeming a little bit better. Compared to 2 months ago I am practically a unicorn on acid walking around the house.
I was at the hospital yesterday to arrange the surgery to have my two retained roots removed after the nightmare tooth extraction. I completed all the paperwork with the nurse and was booked in for 9am on Friday 13th December, and was just asked to wait 10minutes to meet the anaesthetist so they could check my veins. 45 minutes later a doctor approached me in the waiting room and asked if I would follow her into one of the consultation rooms. She had spotted my x-ray on the computer screen, and in her opinion the two roots didn't need to be removed at all, and infact they were structurally, better left in my jaw to keep everything 'straight'. She said there was a slight shadow under one of my roots which she feared was an infection, but agreed that if I had another x-ray and it all looked good no surgery was needed.
Well yesterdays x-ray still showed shadowing, which sadly, means they have to monitor them regularly to see if/when they need to be removed. She said it was 'infection' but discharged me from the hospital and asked me to request x-rays from my own dentist every 6 months and he would keep an eye on it. Surely it can't be THAT serious then, right? Plus, 3 weeks ago I was on a strict regime of 3 different IV antibiotics every 3 hours for 3 days, including metronidozole which is the one my dentist prescribed me post extraction horro. If it WAS an infection, wouldn't it have either a)gone or b) grown since its now 6 months since any tests? Who am I to judge, I am certainly no doctor!
Speaking of doctors I start my new job on Monday. Argh! I spoke with my manager yesterday to organise my first day and the first few weeks, and I was informed that I shouldn't plan to do anything on the 4th or 5th of December as I will be chairing a national student support conference....Great. Sure. That gives me LOADS of time to prepare....
Anyway in prep I bought some grown up 'power clothes' and heels especially for the new job. I'm so fancy now.
I'm currently in complete and utter emotional turmoil and have had approximately 3 hours sleep after a wonderful friend told me that something she had been dreaming for and working towards for so long was finally on the cusp of happening. Normally I wouldn't be so emotionally invested in such an activity, but I've learnt the hard way that there are too many fair-weather friends around, and she certainly isn't one of them. She's been my rock, and I couldn't be prouder. <3
Monday 11 November 2013
The countdown
Just out if our baby doctor appointment. Did I mention we love our doctor? She laughed and gasped and comforted at all the correct points while I was relaying our gallstone drama. She said "imagine the diagnostic nightmare we would have had if your gallbladder had gone after you had triggered! We'd be thinking OHSS they'd be testing everything else " (I never thought of that!)
Anyway...IVF 1.5 is booked in and we're ready to go week beginning 3rd February 2014. That's 2 AFs away and gives me a good amount of time to tell my new manager about treatment. There's no way they can for a woman just for doing IVF, is there?
February 2014 it is!
Anyway...IVF 1.5 is booked in and we're ready to go week beginning 3rd February 2014. That's 2 AFs away and gives me a good amount of time to tell my new manager about treatment. There's no way they can for a woman just for doing IVF, is there?
February 2014 it is!
Friday 8 November 2013
Where are you coming from??!!!
I've just been searching my usual morning websites, BBC News, work email, personal email, Facebook, Buzzfeed and Twitter...and then out of NO WHERE a female voice starts playing out of my mac speakers
"I've been a midwife for 34 years, and I'm here to give you advice on what to pack in your hospital bag when you're preparing to have your baby"
WHAT?! VOICE, WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM, AND WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL?!!!
The end result was I have to close down every webpage I had open, and I never did find the source of this devil woman...
"I've been a midwife for 34 years, and I'm here to give you advice on what to pack in your hospital bag when you're preparing to have your baby"
WHAT?! VOICE, WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM, AND WHY ARE YOU SO CRUEL?!!!
The end result was I have to close down every webpage I had open, and I never did find the source of this devil woman...
Friday morning musings....
My blog titles are getting less and less inventive...I think I need some more ideas from Jess??
Ta-dah!!
You wouldn't believe how much better my 'wounds' have gotten in the past 48 hours! (Sorry for the extra large picture, it's difficult to actually see them any smaller!) As you can see, I have 4 now very small pink scars/scabby areas were the incisions were, and if you look at my stomach overall you can barely notice they are there at all! I'm honestly astounded by how they do it! People keep asking to see my 'surgery scars' and then I show them the usual response is "Oh....is that it?! but telling them "This is where they pulled it out of my bellybutton" usually gets a reaction!
I'd say I'm almost back to full strength too! My digestive system is all out of sync (after saying how lucky I was with food mere days ago, bah!) and lots of foods are upsetting it slightly. I seem to be developing the 'trouble digesting fats' problem that is common after Lap Choleys The other evening we were VERY bad, and had fish and chips for tea. God did I regret that almost immediately, it felt like I was having another gallstone attack and I spent the rest of the night throwing up. Not doing that again in a hurry! Chocolate is also upsetting my tummy, as is too much tea and coffee and generally anything with cheese on it. Good for the diet I suppose, but I don't like to venture too far away from my own toilet for about 90 minutes after a meal!
I really need to get back to the diet too, so I need to start being good with food! I need to loose about 7pounds to get back to my personal 'ideal weight'. Sigh. When my stomach was at its absolute worse I was about 12lbs lighter than I am now, and I would LOVE to get back down to that weight, but in order to get there I hadn't eaten a full meal for around 2-3 months and was throwing up almost everything I did eat...I believe in the medical world this is referred to as bulimia so that isn't a diet strategy I'm in a hurry to repeat anytime soon! Plus, when looking at photos of me when I was my 'lightest' weight, I have to admit I do look a little ill.
My current problem with loosing my 7lbs is that being wrapped up in cosy woolly jumpers in front of the fire, does not make me want to tuck into a nice hearty...salad! Its cold and wintery and I want to eat wholesome british meals, shepherds pies, roast dinners, sausage and mash, bubble and squeak, pies, pies and anything that is wrapped in pastry and smothered in gravy! Again, I know full well how to make perfectly healthy and low fat versions of these, but to be blunt, I can't be arsed! In the summer I was wearing lighter clothing, shorts, dresses etc...and my figure was clearly visible so I felt more motivated to eat low fat and spend 30mins every evening doing sit ups....now Im wrapped up in a jumper and nobody could possibly tell where I end and the wool begins, my motivation levels are zero. Better pull my finger out and shift some of these pounds before Christmas, after all this is my first christmas 'tummy healthy' in 3 years, I have a shit load of eating to make up for. Hurrah!!
In other news my counselling session are going well. I always feel like there is a weight lifted when I leave the room, and I also feel like I'm less crazy. My counsellor is telling me I need to stop putting other peoples feelings before my own, but thats easier said than done.
We have our appointment with our baby doctor (as she's referred to in our house) at 9am on Monday morning. Speaking with Suzanne (counsellor) on Wednesday, she agrees that Christmas is a bad time for IVF (so much so, she strongly feels December should be a no treatment month due to the amount of emergency cases she has when failures occur around Christmas) and she believes that Dr.Jivraj won't allow us to do IVF until end of Feb/March in order for me to be fully healed from surgery and waiting times taken into account. I spoke with my favourite nurse who told me my internal stitches will probably take around 3-4 months to fully heal, and with IVF they will be bloating me up, poking and prodding me etc...and they won't do anything until they're 100%. Which, to be honest, was a huge relief. I'd been loosing sleep thinking about IVF and when to have it, how to balance it with a new job, how to tell my new manager etc...and now the decision has been made for me, hopefully. Watch this space for an update after our appointment on Monday!
My final random musing - As I mentioned previously, Marts and I will be attending a festival in June. Aerosmith will be closing the 3 day festival on the final evening. Is it wrong that I think Steve Tyler and Joe Perry are hot?!
Hair - Taken by the patio doors in an attempt to squeeze ANY natural light out of the situation (it's raining and frosty outside, brrrr) Its also on day 2 of dry shampoo because I'm a lazy cow, not as bright as it will be when washed!
I'm nearing 26. I can only wish that one day my face will match my age group.
Wednesday 6 November 2013
2014 vs 2013
In order for 2014 to be different, and for things to improve, not just materialistic things like job, financial stability etc...but my actual mental health, other things need to change. One of these things being the people I allow to be in my life and the people, who so far, I have allowed to affect the way I feel about myself, and have been upset, cried and often taken personal hits and days to recover from simple comments of conversations, simply because I have a tendency to not want to upset people by coming out and saying "you know what, what you've said to me/done to me/implied is actually quite a shitty thing to do. This is my reason why, and I'm rather upset by it"
I just don't. Maybe it's because I'm British?! I will discuss with close friends and Martin things that have upset me, but I like my apple cart to remain straight and standing with all contents still inside. The past 2-3 months of depression has taught me that in order for 2014 to get better, I need to stop this. So I will, and I will be making changes where needed.
This is a post NOT aimed at certain individuals, before I start received messages from people, in fact some of the people that I regularly balance the apple cart with have no knowledge of this blogs existence. It's my blog, it helps me, and isn't written for anyone else benefit.
I'm 25, I have a very happy and successful marriage, I've got 2 degrees, I've worked hard to get into a professional industry for employment and as far as I'm concerned, at 25 with nearing 4 years infertility under my belt, one miscarriage and the past years mishaps, I'm doing OK. I try my hardest, and always have, to be as supportive and present in my friends lives as I possibly can. When my IVF was cancelled I was absolutely destroyed, mentally and physically, but still made sure I was there mere days later to be with friends who had arranged an event, put on my best brave face, was 'happy' 'chatty' and everything that was needed from me.
Over the past 2 months my mental health has been the worst it ever has, but I've always tried my hardest to keep up with friends, attend get togethers, weekend parties, text and be enthusiastic about new jobs, new homes, relationship problems, medical problems, offer my advice, assistance and a shoulder to cry on, when at home I am crying for hours a day, often thinking thoughts I'm not proud of, and getting professional help for my own psychological well being, and often not receiving the same in return. That's perfectly s fine, i don't act in a particular way just so I can be offered the same back, I never have.
But after a particular 'episode' recently I decided enough was enough. I can't do it. I can't try my hardest to be 'there' and offer support to the best that I am able to, and still be made to feel terrible and still be sat crying about comments that are made, texts I receive, voicemails I get. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who aren't worth the tears.
I've tried my best to do what I can, many say I'm wise beyond my years. I often feel I am. At 25 I think I'm not doing 'too bad' but think people forget that.
I've already had a very tough conversation with some people, and more are to come. I need to look after me and my family and my possible family unit, and if people make me feel bad after trying my best, then they will be deleted from the equation,
What's that saying, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem? That's the one :)
After the last few days, boy am I glad to be seeing my counsellor on a few hours to unload! I need lots of tissues and then I will return home and knit.
Edit: In other news I have dyed my hair a nice shade of orange-red and changed energy suppliers, that's a good start to a new year, right?
I just don't. Maybe it's because I'm British?! I will discuss with close friends and Martin things that have upset me, but I like my apple cart to remain straight and standing with all contents still inside. The past 2-3 months of depression has taught me that in order for 2014 to get better, I need to stop this. So I will, and I will be making changes where needed.
This is a post NOT aimed at certain individuals, before I start received messages from people, in fact some of the people that I regularly balance the apple cart with have no knowledge of this blogs existence. It's my blog, it helps me, and isn't written for anyone else benefit.
I'm 25, I have a very happy and successful marriage, I've got 2 degrees, I've worked hard to get into a professional industry for employment and as far as I'm concerned, at 25 with nearing 4 years infertility under my belt, one miscarriage and the past years mishaps, I'm doing OK. I try my hardest, and always have, to be as supportive and present in my friends lives as I possibly can. When my IVF was cancelled I was absolutely destroyed, mentally and physically, but still made sure I was there mere days later to be with friends who had arranged an event, put on my best brave face, was 'happy' 'chatty' and everything that was needed from me.
Over the past 2 months my mental health has been the worst it ever has, but I've always tried my hardest to keep up with friends, attend get togethers, weekend parties, text and be enthusiastic about new jobs, new homes, relationship problems, medical problems, offer my advice, assistance and a shoulder to cry on, when at home I am crying for hours a day, often thinking thoughts I'm not proud of, and getting professional help for my own psychological well being, and often not receiving the same in return. That's perfectly s fine, i don't act in a particular way just so I can be offered the same back, I never have.
But after a particular 'episode' recently I decided enough was enough. I can't do it. I can't try my hardest to be 'there' and offer support to the best that I am able to, and still be made to feel terrible and still be sat crying about comments that are made, texts I receive, voicemails I get. Life is too short to be surrounded by people who aren't worth the tears.
I've tried my best to do what I can, many say I'm wise beyond my years. I often feel I am. At 25 I think I'm not doing 'too bad' but think people forget that.
I've already had a very tough conversation with some people, and more are to come. I need to look after me and my family and my possible family unit, and if people make me feel bad after trying my best, then they will be deleted from the equation,
What's that saying, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem? That's the one :)
After the last few days, boy am I glad to be seeing my counsellor on a few hours to unload! I need lots of tissues and then I will return home and knit.
Edit: In other news I have dyed my hair a nice shade of orange-red and changed energy suppliers, that's a good start to a new year, right?
Tuesday 5 November 2013
Planning for life, when life isn't going the way you planned.
How are you supposed to do anything?
With the end of 2013 approaching I can safely say that 2014 just HAS to be better. My surgery has been done, I'm recovering well, I have a new permanent job with all the benefits that come along with it, we're better of financially and we can start getting back on track with fertility treatment.
Looking at the calendar my cycle is now running at starting during the first few days of the month, so IVF will be either the start of February or the start of March, depending on what we decide as a couple. February is a short month and I know that the new term starting in January means getting time off for appointments will be difficult, so at the minute we're leaning towards the Feb/March sort of time, which sounds a long way off, but it's actually only 2-3 AF's away.
Whenever Christmas and birthdays roll around, I always prefer to buy 'experiences' rather than 'stuff' for Martin, so I usually arrange for us to go away somewhere, see one of our favourite bands etc...so yesterday for Christmas, I bought us two tickets to next years Download Festival (A big rock/alternative festival) which we've always wanted to go to together. The dates for this are 13th, 14th and 15th of June so by this point we'll be out of treatment whatever the outcome.
Best case scenario is that on the 13th of June I could be around 12 weeks pregnant, or less if we move onto a second IVF (or obviously not at all, in which case I will spend the weekend in a muddy field with an alcohol drip). I know that I can't put life on hold 'just incase', and that I will still attend the festival even if I am pregnant (we're staying in a nearby hotel, not on the camp site!) but I know for a fact that people will have strong opinions on attending while pregnant, so what are you supposed to do for the best?
Do you put life on hold and wait for a result before picking up again, or do you carry on as normal and just let anything treatment wise go on in the sidelines?
I can't make this my life anymore, it's not healthy. I can't become so obsessed with treatment and IVF that it becomes who I am, but at the same time it is who I am whether I like it or not....
Hmmmmm
With the end of 2013 approaching I can safely say that 2014 just HAS to be better. My surgery has been done, I'm recovering well, I have a new permanent job with all the benefits that come along with it, we're better of financially and we can start getting back on track with fertility treatment.
Looking at the calendar my cycle is now running at starting during the first few days of the month, so IVF will be either the start of February or the start of March, depending on what we decide as a couple. February is a short month and I know that the new term starting in January means getting time off for appointments will be difficult, so at the minute we're leaning towards the Feb/March sort of time, which sounds a long way off, but it's actually only 2-3 AF's away.
Whenever Christmas and birthdays roll around, I always prefer to buy 'experiences' rather than 'stuff' for Martin, so I usually arrange for us to go away somewhere, see one of our favourite bands etc...so yesterday for Christmas, I bought us two tickets to next years Download Festival (A big rock/alternative festival) which we've always wanted to go to together. The dates for this are 13th, 14th and 15th of June so by this point we'll be out of treatment whatever the outcome.
Best case scenario is that on the 13th of June I could be around 12 weeks pregnant, or less if we move onto a second IVF (or obviously not at all, in which case I will spend the weekend in a muddy field with an alcohol drip). I know that I can't put life on hold 'just incase', and that I will still attend the festival even if I am pregnant (we're staying in a nearby hotel, not on the camp site!) but I know for a fact that people will have strong opinions on attending while pregnant, so what are you supposed to do for the best?
Do you put life on hold and wait for a result before picking up again, or do you carry on as normal and just let anything treatment wise go on in the sidelines?
I can't make this my life anymore, it's not healthy. I can't become so obsessed with treatment and IVF that it becomes who I am, but at the same time it is who I am whether I like it or not....
Hmmmmm
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